Another hashtag, another disturbing silence

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This article was published 16/10/2017 (3262 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

‘Me too.”

Those words began trending on social media Sunday after actress Alyssa Milano tweeted a suggestion in the wake of the sexual assault allegations against film producer Harvey Weinstein: “If all the women who have been sexually harassed or assaulted wrote ‘Me too’ as a status, we might give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem.” (Milano is a former co-star of actress Rose McGowan, who has accused Weinstein of raping her.) 

The effect has been akin to that classroom exercise in which a teacher gets everyone to close their eyes and raise their hand if they’ve ever been bullied. The big reveal, of course, is that most people have a hand raised.

On Sunday and into Monday, a heartbreaking — and not at all shocking — number of women have raised their hands on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. You know, just like they did during #beenrapedneverreported, or #YesAllWomen, or #notok, or any of the other viral hashtags that crop up whenever a powerful man has been accused of abuse. Of course, there is strength and power in numbers; these campaigns have helped many survivors break silences that were weeks, months, years and decades long. No matter the phrase, it’s the same painful refrain: me too, me too, me too.

Still, it’s exhausting, isn’t it, all this proving? Because that’s what this is about — offering proof. Proof that sexual assault, harassment and predation are all-too-common experiences. Proof the problem is real. Trust me, women/LGBTTQ+/non-binary folks already have an acute “sense of the magnitude” of the problem.

We’re the ones who are routinely expected to relive our traumas in order to prove a point that should, by now, be obvious. And we continue to do it because if we can prove our pain is common and real, we might finally be heard.

Hell — we might even be believed.

But how many disclosures does it take, exactly? A million? A billion? We’ve filed sexual violence under Women’s Issues, which conveniently makes it women’s problem to solve. But sexual violence is very much a men’s issue — and we desperately need men to be part of this conversation. Better yet, we need men to own up to all the ways they support a culture that allows abuse to happen. Let’s expose the magnitude of that problem. As my friend and fellow writer Jodie Layne posted on Facebook, “How about if you’re a dude who knew/heard rumours about abusive men and didn’t tell anyone or confront them, just post this emoji.” The emoji in question, of course, is the poop emoji.

If all the men who extended the benefit of the doubt to abusive men in their social circles because “they seem like great guys” wrote “me too” as a status, we might give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem.

If all the men who believe women falsely accuse men for attention and money wrote “me too” as a status, we might give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem.

If all the men who choose to keep supporting abusers because “they make great movies/music/art/food” wrote “me too” as a status, we might give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem.  

I could go on, but you get the picture. After all, a culture of abuse isn’t just created by the abusers themselves. It’s also aided and abetted by those who choose to stay silent. 

Of course, that won’t happen. But maybe we can get another hashtag trending, one where they can share how they plan to do more — and better. Expressing horror at Facebook statuses because you “have a daughter” is not enough.

We’ve heard from women. It’s time to hear from men.

jen.zoratti@freepress.mb.ca Twitter: @JenZoratti