Describing journey of forgiveness

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This article was published 11/09/2020 (2212 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

IS forgiveness really an antidote to anger and fear — even after the murder of a loved one?

For Wilma Derksen, whose daughter, Candace, 13, was killed in 1984 in Winnipeg, the answer is yes.

“If not for forgiveness, I would have lived my life in despair, I would have succumbed to rage and fear,” she said of her decision to pursue a different way of responding to the trauma. Through forgiveness, Derksen said she was able to dispel the clouds of anger and trauma that pursued her following Candace’s death.

“It was the only way to dispel them, to shrivel them up.”

Known across North America for her work addressing the needs of victims and offenders, and promoting the issue of restorative justice, Derksen details the journey of forgiveness in her new book, Dispelling the Clouds: a Desperate Social Experiment.

The experiment was desperate, she said, because she didn’t know if it would work.

“I needed to see if forgiveness works or if it is just a flash in the pan, something that couldn’t see me to the end,” said Derksen, who works part-time as a therapist at Oakville Wellness Centre and is a co-pastor, with her son, Cyrus, at Maplecrest Church, a new non-denominational church located in the Park Theatre in South Osborne.

It was also desperate because of the criticism she received.

“People said I was too soft on criminals,” she said. “I am very committed to personal accountability for actions, but not to revenge.”

She recalled a poll published in the Globe and Mail soon after she announced her decision to forgive her daughter’s killer: “Eighty per cent felt I was wrong.”

A self-described people-pleaser, Derksen was devastated by the reaction. Yet, she didn’t regret publicly announcing her decision.

“I would not have been able to be so forgiving if I didn’t make it public,” she stated. “It helped keep me accountable.”

Faith was also important.

“I don’t know how I could have done it without God,” she said. “God was in my journey. God works in us through forgiveness and brings healing.”

Yet, she admits, it wasn’t an easy journey.

“Life isn’t simple,” she said. “I had to learn to embrace its complexity and not be afraid. That’s where the learning is.”

Although most people won’t experience something as traumatic as the death of a child, Derksen said everyone will experience challenges.

“Everyone is brought to their knees, at some point,” she said, noting her book is also for those people. “Everyone has a trauma cloud to deal with and can benefit from a journey of forgiveness.”

Derksen is dispelling the clouds Sept. 14 with an all-day, come-and-go open house in the backyard of her home at 26 Grimston Rd.

The open house book launch starts at 10 a.m., with the first reading from her book. The second reading is at 3 p.m.; the final at 7 p.m. The outdoor event will follow physical-distancing protocols and masks are recommended.

faith@freepress.mb.ca

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