Vatican correspondent writes book of lament

In the Psalms, lament is seen as a way to express sorrow, pain, and frustration to God while maintaining an underlying trust in God’s character and promises.

In that respect, then Struck Down, Not Destroyed, a new book by 31-year-old Vatican correspondent Colleen Dulle, is a book of lament.

That’s the view of Jesuit priest and author James Martin. In his preface to Dulle’s book, Martin said that “her account of her work as a conscientious and faithful reporter in the Catholic Church that has been roiled by scandal and stained by sin has more than a hint of the biblical practice of lament running throughout it.”

“The best hope is to share stories. By sharing stories, we feel less alone.”

Despite those scandals, and the cover-ups that accompanied them, Dulle managed to keep her faith — while at the same time recognizing “the injustices and unjust structures that often belie our claim to be the people of God,” he added.

Dulle, who lives in New Orleans, is the Vatican correspondent for America Magazine and host of the weekly podcast Inside the Vatican. In an interview with the Free Press, she shared how her faith was challenged by covering those scandals.

It all came to a head at a Catholic retreat centre in Montreal in 2019 when, after months of reporting about the sexual abuse crisis in the Catholic Church, “I hurled all my anger at God.”

The pent-up rage came out after what she called “the summer of shame” in 2018, when multiple reports about sexual abuse in the Church around the world were revealed.

During that shameful summer, a grand jury report in Pennsylvania accused over 300 priests of sexually abusing more than 1,000 children, along with extensive patterns of cover-ups by bishops and diocesan officials.

There was also the news about American Cardinal Theodore McCarrick, the former Archbishop of Washington, who was found to have abused seminarians in his care.

Along with that were reports about decades of abuse by Catholic clergy in Chile, together with systematic cover-ups, and a report from Germany that identified 3,677 victims of abuse by over 1,600 clergy between 1946 and 2014.

Those revelations “shattered the faith” of the self-described life-long cradle Catholic, leading to that angry outburst in Montreal. “The revelations really hit me hard,” Dulle said. “I lost the comfort and solace my faith used to provide. I was really angry at the church and God.”

On that day at the retreat centre, while wrestling with God like Jacob wrestled with the angel in the book of Genesis, Dulle decided she was either going to become an atheist or emerge with stronger faith. For her, it turned out to be the latter.

“I got through it,” Dulle said, adding the key lesson for her was “it’s OK to yell at God … there is something of value in the wrestling. That became a guiding principle for me.”

She also came away from that experience with the knowledge that the Roman Catholic Church is a flawed and very human institution. “Having conflicted feelings about it is OK,” she said.

A later visit to Jerusalem, where she visited the Holy Sepulchre, helped her reconnect with the central story of the Christian faith — the resurrection of Jesus. “That is what gives me hope, to be part of that story of resurrecting faith,” she said.

Dulle hopes her story will give hope to other young Catholics who, like her, once had “one hand on the door, ready to leave the Church.”

But she also has a strong message for Church leaders. “They can’t move forward until the Church has honestly wrestled with the truth of the scandals,” she said. “They need to be honest with members. The stories have to be shared and brought to light, even the ugliest ones. Only then can they hope to rebuild the Church’s credibility.”

Along with those stories, Dulle has also been reporting how Pope Francis shook the Church, and how Leo is trying to slowly and cautiously put those changes into effect.

“It’s a balancing act for him,” she said. “Move too quickly and he risks schism. But move too slowly and he risks losing those calling for change.”

There is progress, she noted from her ringside seat as a Vatican reporter — although she acknowledged that, to outsiders, the pace does look glacial.

“The pope has to be careful not to go too fast that he alienates the bishops and cardinals,” she said. “He needs them to accomplish the needed changes.”

For Dulle, who plans to move to Rome next year to be even closer to the Vatican action, there are no easy solutions or answers to what ails the Catholic Church or what can make it better.

“The best hope is to share stories,” she said. “By sharing stories, we feel less alone.”

Struck Down, Not Destroyed, is published by Image, an imprint of the Penguin Random House Christian Publishing Group.

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