Haiku Horoscopes

By: Jonathan Ball, Registered Fraud Posted:

Advertisement

Advertise with us

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Read this article for free:


By clicking the button above, an account will be created and you will begin to receive some of our recommended newsletters. You may opt out of any newsletter by visiting your Email and Communication Preferences page or by clicking "unsubscribe" at the bottom of any email.

or

Already have an account? Log in here »

To continue reading, please subscribe:

Digital Subscription

One year of digital access for only $1.44 a week*

  • Enjoy unlimited reading on winnipegfreepress.com
  • Read the E-Edition, our digital replica newspaper
  • Access News Break, our award-winning app
  • Play interactive puzzles

*Billed as $5.77 plus GST every four weeks. After 52 weeks, price increases to the regular rate of $19.95 plus GST every four weeks. Offer available to new and qualified returning subscribers only. Cancel any time.

To continue reading, please subscribe:

Add Free Press access to your Brandon Sun subscription for only an additional

$1 for the first 4 weeks*

  • Enjoy unlimited reading on winnipegfreepress.com
  • Read the E-Edition, our digital replica newspaper
  • Access News Break, our award-winning app
  • Play interactive puzzles
Start now

*Your next Brandon Sun subscription payment will increase by $1.00 and you will be charged $17.95 plus GST for four weeks. After four weeks, your payment will increase to $24.95 plus GST every four weeks.

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 26/09/2013 (4779 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

óè

Directions to my

Party? Turn right at the tree

Then into the gorge

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

óè

Growing old can be

Hard, so I recommend that

You get immortal

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

óè

I just saw a dude

That was at least 50 and

Listening to Drake

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

óè

“Check yourself before

You wreck yourself” — Sigmund Freud,

The “Hey, you!” essay

Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22)

óè

Crossword puzzles are

A great way to keep your mind

Actively hating

Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)

óè

Words of wisdom: when

Someone says “words of wisdom”

You can then tune out

Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)

óè

Get your holiday

Shopping done early, since you

Have one week to live

Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)

óè

28 thousand

Is a small price to pay for

Some meaningless trash

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)

óè

The next time you feel

You aren’t appreciated

Remember: you aren’t

Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)

óè

They’ll be sorry they

Laughed at you and your clown hat

And floppy sneakers

Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)

óè

Biology’s not

Your subject, so stop going

To biology

Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20)

óè

I regret to in

Form you that “inform” is one

Word and I cheated

Advertisement Advertise With Us

Report Error Submit a Tip

Advertisement

Learn more about Winnipeg Free Press Advertising solutions

More Stories

One-day conference for health-care technology

Free Press staff 1 minute read 2:01 AM CDT

Indigenous leaders and bioscience professionals are gathering this week to promote health-care technology in northern communities.

Bioscience Association Manitoba is hosting its second annual Indigenous Health Innovations conference on Thursday, a day after the World Indigenous Business Forum ends its Winnipeg tenure.

“We fly a lot of people in the North to get access for care for things that technology can actually give them,” said Andrea Ladouceur, Bioscience Association Manitoba’s president.

For example, Manitobans may hop on a plane for a strep throat test when they don’t need to, she said.

JOHN WOODS / FREE PRESS Mayoral candidate Noah Redden meets and talks with supporters Dreamland Diner in Winnipeg, Sunday, October 25, 2026. Redden has seen a spike in support recently.

‘Exciting’ turn for mayoral candidate Noah Redden as election race enters final stretch

Erik Pindera 5 minute read Preview

‘Exciting’ turn for mayoral candidate Noah Redden as election race enters final stretch

Erik Pindera 5 minute read Sunday, Oct. 25, 2026

A small but steady stream of voters arrived at a Portage Avenue diner Sunday to meet Noah Redden, just two days after a new poll suggested the 27-year-old has emerged as a player in Winnipeg’s race for mayor.

Once a low-polling candidate, the software developer is now in third place with 14 per cent support, tied with candidate Mike Vogiatzakis, an Abacus Data survey released Friday shows.

Incumbent Scott Gillingham remains in the lead with the support of 36 per cent of decided voters — 19 percentage points lower than a September survey conducted by Abacus for the Free Press.

The new data placed former city councillor and Progressive Conservative cabinet minister Kevin Klein in second place with 19 per cent support — a drop of four percentage points since September.

Read
Sunday, Oct. 25, 2026
The rail line and Port of Churchill in Churchill, Man., Tuesday, July 3, 2018. THE CANADIAN PRESS/John Woods

Port of Churchill owners and Dubai-based DP World looking to boost trade route

Ian Bickis, The Canadian Press 1 minute read Preview

Port of Churchill owners and Dubai-based DP World looking to boost trade route

Ian Bickis, The Canadian Press 1 minute read Updated: Yesterday at 3:12 PM CDT

WINNIPEG - The owners of Manitoba's Port of Churchill say they're working with Dubai-based DP World Inc. to potentially boost traffic at the arctic port.

Indigenous-owned Arctic Gateway Group says the memorandum of understanding it has signed with DP World focuses on port operations and possibly creating a transportation corridor linking Manitoba to global markets.

The supply chain memorandum also includes the CentrePort Canada inland shipping hub based beside the Winnipeg airport, as well as the Hudson Bay Railway that links it to the Port of Churchill.

No dollar investment commitments were announced with the memorandum.

Read
Updated: Yesterday at 3:12 PM CDT
President Donald Trump speaks during a campaign rally at McMorran Place Sports and Entertainment Center, Sunday, Oct. 25, 2026, in Port Huron, Mich. (AP Photo/Julia Demaree Nikhinson)

Trump says he expects trade war with Canada to end ‘pretty soon’

The Canadian Press 3 minute read Preview

Trump says he expects trade war with Canada to end ‘pretty soon’

The Canadian Press 3 minute read Updated: Yesterday at 4:07 PM CDT

OTTAWA - U.S. President Donald Trump says he expects his constantly evolving trade war with Canada to end "pretty soon" as Prime Minister Mark Carney suggests Washington could be moving closer to Ottawa's demands.

Trump told a rally in Port Huron, Michigan, on Sunday that Canada had been "ripping off" the U.S. on trade and he had no choice but to impose levies on Canadian goods.

He said the trade dispute would be settled "pretty soon" and that Canada was "willing to give us anything at this moment."

At a news conference Monday, Carney was asked if there had been any movement on the trade file in the past week.

Read
Updated: Yesterday at 4:07 PM CDT
Mayoral candidates Scott Gillingham (lef) and Noah Redden (John Woods / Free Press files)

Winnipeggers unhappy with city leadership, but mostly unwilling to do anything about it

Dan Lett 5 minute read Preview

Winnipeggers unhappy with city leadership, but mostly unwilling to do anything about it

Dan Lett 5 minute read Yesterday at 12:54 PM CDT

This is not an endorsement (not my job) nor is it a prediction (predictions are for suckers) of what will happen Wednesday in Winnipeg’s mayoral race. It is, however, a call to arms for voters.

Read
Yesterday at 12:54 PM CDT

Letters, Oct. 27

7 minute read 2:01 AM CDT

Time for ranked ballots?

Re: Get out and exercise your franchise (Editorial, Oct. 24)

Declining turnout is indeed a threat to our democracy and, while I am grateful that the editorial mentioned proportional representation, the issue on the municipal level can be solved far more simply — using ranked-choice voting.

In the last Winnipeg municipal election, the mayor “won” the election with only 27 per cent of the vote. Multiply that by the turnout of 37.5 per cent and the mayor’s positive mandate — the portion of the electorate that voted for him as mayor — drops to a paltry 10 per cent. That number should shock us into an awareness that the single-mark ballot has failed us miserably.