Haiku Horoscopes
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Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 17/10/2013 (4757 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
óè
No matter what, don’t
Forget you have amnesia
And are someone else
TAURUS (APRIL 20 – MAY 20)
óè
As a Taurus you
Would make a good partner for
Pisces or Cancer
GEMINI (MAY 21 – JUNE 20)
óè
In the future, you
Will use your flying car to
Taxi aliens
CANCER (JUNE 21 – JULY 22)
óè
Avoid the Taurus
At all costs — you would be best
Matched to a Pisces
LEO (JULY 23 – AUG. 22)
óè
You know what they say:
You only live once, but you
Can yolo three times
VIRGO (AUG. 23 – SEPT. 22)
óè
Once again, Alice
Munro has outshined your star
Prepare your revenge
Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)
óè
Boys will be boys, and
Werewolves will be werewolves, and
This week will be tough
SCORPIO (OCT. 23 – NOV. 21)
óè
To the victor go
The spoils — so give Victor all
Of that spoiled turkey
SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22 – DEC. 21)
óè
In this fast-paced world
One thing always stays the same:
Everything sucking
CAPRICORN (DEC. 22 – JAN. 19)
óè
The prophecy hath
Come to pass, and the water
Bill hath cometh due
AQUARIUS (JAN. 20 – FEB. 18)
óè
Don’t waste your time with
Little things, like nanotech
Robot assassins
PISCES (FEB. 19 – MARCH 20)
óè
You know what would be
Great? If you never spoke to
Cancer or Taurus
