Haiku horoscopes
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Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 01/09/2016 (3348 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Try to go at least
One more week without learning
Of Pokemon Go
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
A fatal lemon
Allergy will prevent you
From enjoying life
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Here’s a title for
Your autobiography:
Pretty Much the Worst
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
When death comes for you
You could buy a bit of time
With freshly baked pie
Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22)
“Terror in the Skies!!!”
Good movie tag line but not
Good airline slogan
Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)
Not sure if that is
A bonsai tree or you’re just
A bad gardener
Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)
Believe in yourself!
If you don’t then no one will
Join your deranged cult
Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)
Try to snack healthy
By eating more fruit and less
Shards of broken glass
Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)
James Franco called and
He’s just calling to say hi
There isn’t a joke
Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)
In life you have to
Compromise sometimes, like when
Surrounded by eels
Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)
It’s not polite when
You won’t let the parasites
Finish their dinner
Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20)
Millions of years from
Now, people will still talk of
Your one funny tweet