Don’t let ‘white bear’ dominate

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 22/03/2021 (1670 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Be honest: when you read the header, you pictured a white bear, maybe a polar bear, right?

I’ll get back to white bears in a second.

First, let me set the scene.

A new coaching client emailed me lamenting that every time she starts a diet, she suddenly gets cravings for “junk” food non-stop.

It occupies her every thought. Almost as if her body is rebelling against her for pursuing this weight-loss thing again.

Then on her cheat meal, she’d fly completely off the rails, indulging in all the foods she told herself were off limits earlier in the week.

So I asked why she doesn’t just fit in the foods she’s craving but in smaller amounts? A nightly treat? There’s always room — even on a diet — to squeeze in something “bad” when the craving hits.

A few days later, she reported back that as if by magic, her cravings had disappeared.

This client was experiencing a concept in psychology called the White Bear Effect (also known as Ironic Process Theory).

The effect occurs when you try not to think of something, only for that thing you’re trying not to think about becoming the only thing you can think about.

Just like if I told you not to picture a white bear, now that’s all you’ll picture in your mind.

Or if you tell yourself you really need to fall asleep right now to get your eight hours, and now you’re thinking about falling asleep and not actually falling asleep. You’ve been there, right? I sure have.

This is why the client would have cravings every time she started a new diet. The more she tried to not think about all the things she couldn’t eat, the more those foods occupied her thoughts.

With a small change in perspective, because she now knows she can eat those foods (sensibly) whenever she wants, she isn’t thinking about them and isn’t resorting to binge eating when she hits a breaking point.

Here’s another example of this problem which involves going back to the wonder years pre-COVID.

You’re great on the weekdays, rolling along without any major indulgences.

Then, you get a message from your friend inviting you to a social engagement with a smorgasbord (always wanted to use that word in a column) of food delights on hand.

You know it would be fun, but the more you think about it you also can’t stop fixating on all the food that’s going to be there that has the potential to ruin the effort you’ve been putting in all week.

In response, you start to make a mental list of all the things you’re not going to do.

“I’ll fill up on chicken beforehand and not go near the dessert table!”

Ha, sure.

But then you get to this party and all of a sudden you’re grabbing cake by the handful like it’s going out of style because — holy baked goods! — this is what you’ve been missing out on.

Maybe you hoard a bit for later in your purse and have a guilt-ridden conscience the next day.

Sound familiar?

The problem here is framing. The more you tell yourself you’re not going to do something, the more likely you are to do it.

Why? Because humans aren’t good at self-regulating, and that whole “want what we can’t have” phenomenon applies.

When you’re busy trying to rationalize not doing something, the unconscious doesn’t process the “not” part of the message — I will not eat cake at the party; I will not drink too much; I will not blow my diet; I will not strip down naked and jump in the pool. You know, typical party stuff.

The message gets distorted, and now you’re only convincing yourself to do the things you don’t want to do, like eat all the cake, drink too much and make a fool of yourself jumping in the pool naked, even though you work with half these people and will see them on Monday. Oops.

The solution to your white bear problem, though, is pretty simple.

Instead of thinking about what you won’t do, tell yourself going in what you will do. Instead of “I won’t have any cake,” try “I’m only going to have one small slice.” Instead of “I won’t drink any alcohol,” try “I’ll only have a glass of wine and then tell people I’m on a health challenge and need to have limits.” You get the idea.

This works because it allows you to be specific and narrows your focus to measurable action steps you can take without feeling restricted.

But something like, “I’m going to skip the hors d’oeuvres and only have the main course with one slice of the dessert that looks most my style” is much better because it’s specific and concrete.

It’s just like starting a weight loss plan with the goal of “wanting to lose weight.” Too broad. You need to get clear on what you want in the first place so you can map out a process to get there.

In the end, we tend to follow through on the commitments we make to ourselves when done this way. We want to act in alignment with how we see ourselves after all. And it’s a lot easier to follow through on things we will do, instead of trying to abide by a list of things we won’t do.

Give this a go the next time you find yourself stressing out about an event or party that might throw you off track.

The world may soon open up and you’ll need to be prepared.

Mitch Calvert is a Winnipeg-based fitness coach for men and women like his former self. Heavyset in his 20s, he lost 60 pounds and now helps clients find their spark and lose the weight for life. Visit mitchcalvert.com to grab yourself a free metabolism jumpstart or inquire about his next coaching program.