Helping women find their voice

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This article was published 16/04/2019 (2695 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

In the fall of 2017, when reverberations from the #MeToo movement were just starting to be felt around the world, Liz Wolff realized her work wasn’t finished.

After a 35-year career as a marriage and family therapist, registered social worker and clinical traumatologist, Wolff, 71, could have put her feet up in retirement and no one would’ve blamed her. Instead, she found renewed purpose, and under her new banner, Redefine Your Life, she’s helping women find their voice.

Beginning Wednesday, Wolff will offer a six-week series of workshops focused on women and self-esteem. Twenty-five women have registered so far, and those interested can still register at redefineyourlife.ca.

“In my years of practice, one of the things I see all too often is women whose sense of self has been diminished by early life experiences, by school experiences, by terrible relationships, by circumstances at work,” she says. “And then, the most recent thing that occurred, was the #MeToo movement. Talking to women — women friends and friends of my daughter — we started to ask, ‘Why were women afraid to speak out when so clearly what was going on was wrong and was impacting women?’

“The final straw for me was the movement, and how can I help women speak out in work settings — but then it became more generalized: how can I help women overcome all these experiences they’ve had that led them to feel diminished and lead lives of quiet desperation and sadness?”

It’s been a long time, but Wolff remembers what it’s like to live that way. The never-ending deluge of horrifying stories triggered by the #MeToo movement brought up past traumas from her own life.

“I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse,” she says. “I grew up in a family with alcoholism and mental-health issues. I was in a marital relationship that was abusive. I survived cancer and had to deal with a medical system that was pretty nasty. I battled with depression and anxiety. I don’t think these are uncommon experiences to women. So, for women to know that other women live with these things and have survived them and gone on to feel great about themselves, that’s powerful.”

And contrary to what wellness culture may have you believe, feeling great about yourself doesn’t require changing everything about yourself. Wolff helps women recognize and find strength in the positive qualities they already possess, but are often eclipsed by the negative beliefs they hold about themselves. “I help women reframe a position they hold about themselves that might be societally influenced and inaccurate,” she says.

Indeed, how we define ourselves is often shaped by other people and experiences, and often early in life. Wolff recalls a woman she worked with who was the product of rape, and grew up with a mother who hated her. “That affected her profoundly,” she says. She’s also worked with women who were bullied as girls and teenagers, which had a devastating effect on who they believe they are.

Those early life experiences can also influence partner selection, Wolff says. “For women whose self-esteem is low, the potential for choosing a partner who’s controlling or cruel and diminishes them further is high.”

To that end, the sessions will teach women how to distinguish between toxic and nourishing relationships, as well as how to communicate and assert themselves effectively. But, just as vitally, the sessions will also focus on how women talk to and treat themselves. As Wolff says, “negative self talk can be just as abusive as the bullying that comes from outside of us.”

Wolff acknowledges how intensive this work is. “The process of redefining your self-esteem, your self-concept, is a journey,” she says. “It’s not going to happen in a six-week workshop series, but the seeds will be planted and strategies will be given.”

So, too, will hope.

“Trauma really significantly influences a woman’s self-esteem, but the really good news in all of this is we can recover,” she says.

“The scars heal over. And we can redefine our lives to be survivors and not victims.”

jen.zoratti@freepress.mb.ca

Twitter: @JenZoratti