Elevating workplace conversations

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This article was published 23/03/2024 (624 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Effective communication lies at the heart of a thriving workplace.

Whether navigating complex projects, fostering team cohesion, or addressing interpersonal conflicts, the ability to engage in meaningful conversations is paramount. However, amidst the demands of the modern workplace, it’s all too easy for miscommunication to arise and create conflict and misunderstanding. To counteract this, a simple yet profound question can serve as a beacon of clarity, guiding conversations onto the right path from the outset.

A New York Times reporter and author, Charles Duhigg most famous for The Power of Habit (2012), has written a new book called Supercommunicators (2024). He recently stated in a podcast that he writes books so he can call up experts and get help to improve himself as a person, his writing style is funny and accessible, and I highly recommend all of his books.

One of the suggestions in Duhigg’s new book is taken from a group of teachers.

When approached by a child wanting to talk, they begin the conversation by asking, “Do you want to be helped, heard, or hugged?”

It is an easy and important way for the teacher to understand the expectations of the student and adapt to the style of receiving the information that will make the student feel understood and appreciated.

I read this and thought it would be wonderful to adapt to the workplace. As HR consultants, we are sometimes brought in on mediations where both sides have the best of intentions but one believes they are helping and the other thinks they are overreaching. I will say though, quite strongly, that hugging has no place at work so please modify that teacher’s question to asking if they need empathy, never offer a hug, and always maintain respect for workplace boundaries.

I tried for a synonym for empathy that starts with “H” and got back: humanity and hitting it off (thanks, Meriam Webster). Pretty sure neither of those work as a replacement, so I will rephrase the question to fit better into a workplace context: “Do you want direction, advice, or are you here to vent?”

This question acts as a compass, allowing individuals to express their specific needs and intentions upfront. It ensures that both parties are aligned and understand each other’s expectations, fostering deeper understanding, empathy, and ultimately, stronger relationships. When someone poses the question, “Do you want direction, advice, or are you here to vent?” before initiating a conversation, it creates an opportunity for deeper connection and mutual understanding.

Here’s how:

Clarity of intentions

Presenting the options of getting direction, advice, or empathy allows individuals to articulate what they seek from the interaction. Whether they require practical assistance, guidance, or simply desire a compassionate listener to share their thoughts and feelings, this question encourages upfront communication of their needs. This clarity minimizes misunderstandings and ensures that the conversation serves its intended purpose.

Building trust, respect

Acknowledging and respecting each other’s preferences fosters an environment of trust and mutual understanding. When individuals feel heard and supported in their chosen mode of communication, it strengthens bonds between colleagues and cultivates a culture of respect and empathy in the workplace. This trust forms the foundation for effective collaboration and teamwork.

Enhancing productivity

Clear communication channels streamline workflows and prevent misunderstandings that can hinder productivity. By proactively addressing each other’s needs and preferences, teams can collaborate more effectively, leading to smoother project execution and better outcomes. When everyone is on the same page about their roles and responsibilities, tasks are completed more efficiently, and deadlines are met with greater ease.

Nurturing relationships

Meaningful conversations are the cornerstone of strong relationships. By offering a helping hand or a listening ear, colleagues can forge deeper connections, leading to increased morale, job satisfaction, and a sense of camaraderie within the workplace. These positive relationships contribute to a supportive and inclusive work environment where individuals feel valued and appreciated.

How does the way you listen and respond change depending on the answer to the question “Do you want direction, advice, or are you here to vent?”

If the other person requests direction, you can head straight into problem solving mode. They are choosing to leave emotions off the table and really want you to bring your authority and experience to bear and tell them what to do.

If, on the other hand, they choose advice, they are essentially asking for a dialog to discuss options, brainstorm ideas, perhaps assert their values, and are requesting permission to either make the final decision or have input into what happens.

Finally, if the person chooses venting, they would like you to sit calmly while they blow your hair back. For those who pride themselves on their problem-solving abilities, this will be the hardest one because it is a lot of talk about feelings. This is difficult for many managers because they are busy, but everyone is busy and it is the role of the manager to make sure that their team has the resources to get their jobs done, this includes listening to their frustrations.

Here are some tips:

Listen actively: Allow the employee to express their frustrations without interruption. Maintain eye contact, nod, and use verbal cues (such as “I see” or “Tell me more”) to show that you’re engaged and understanding.

Empathize: Show empathy by acknowledging their feelings and validating their experiences. You might say something like, “I understand why you’re feeling frustrated about this situation.”

Avoid defensiveness: Even if the complaints are about you or the company, try not to take it personally or become defensive. Remember that the employee is seeking a supportive ear rather than a debate.

Ask probing questions: Encourage the employee to delve deeper into the issues they’re facing. Ask open-ended questions to gain a better understanding of the root causes of their frustrations.

Offer support: Let the employee know that you’re there to help them address the issues they’re facing. Offer your assistance in finding solutions or resources to resolve the problems.

Provide perspective: If appropriate, offer a different perspective on the situation. Sometimes, a fresh viewpoint can help the employee see things in a new light.

Set boundaries: While it’s essential to be supportive, make sure the conversation doesn’t veer into gossip or become overly negative. Redirect the conversation if it starts to become unproductive.

Follow up: After the initial conversation, check in with the employee to see how they’re doing. Offer ongoing support and guidance as needed.

By reacting with empathy, support, and constructive guidance when an employee is venting, managers can help employees feel heard and valued while also addressing any underlying issues that may be contributing to their frustrations.

Asking the question “Do you want direction, advice, or are you here to vent?” doesn’t require a drastic overhaul of existing communication practices. Instead, it’s about integrating a simple yet transformative question into everyday interactions. Leaders and managers play a crucial role in setting the tone for communication within their teams.

By incorporating this question into their own interactions and promoting its use across teams, they demonstrate a commitment to fostering open, honest, and respectful communication. This, in turn, encourages others to follow suit, creating a positive ripple effect throughout the organization.

By prioritizing clarity, empathy, and respect, it paves the way for deeper understanding, stronger relationships, and improved productivity. Embracing this simple yet effective approach can transform the way we communicate in the workplace, leading to happier, more engaged teams and ultimately, greater success for the organization as a whole.

Tory McNally, CPHR, BSc., vice-president, HR Consulting is a human resource professional, radio personality, speaker, and problem solver. She can be reached at tory@legacybowes.com