Trust: mysterious glue that keeps us together

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This article was published 01/02/2025 (302 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

It’s what keeps society humming, relationships thriving and you from finishing your kid’s holiday chocolate (most of the time). But deciding who — or what — to trust isn’t as obvious as it feels.

Rachel Botsman, trust expert and all-around straight-talker, has an elegant way of slicing through the confusion: it isn’t a gut feeling or a leap of faith, it’s a carefully crafted decision based on two key ingredients: character (are they decent?) and information (do I know enough not to regret this later?).

Trusting for convenience

Ever trusted something because it was just … there? Like choosing Netflix’s “Top Picks for You” because finding something yourself felt like too much effort?

That’s convenience-driven trust in action, and while it works for a Saturday night movie, it can lead to questionable decisions when applied to anything important.

Ever get stuck with a colleague on a project not because they’re great at their job but because they’re always quick to say “Sure, I can help?” It feels easy, so we trust it. But what happens when you realize their “help” involves rewriting their report or covering for their missed deadlines?

Suddenly, convenience isn’t so convenient anymore.

Botsman warns we often confuse familiarity or availability with trustworthiness. That app everyone’s raving about? Sure, it’s user-friendly and popular, but what if it’s harvesting your personal data?

Convenience can mask a lack of competence or even integrity, leading to superficial trust and some real regrets.

Trust signals (or why we fall for great sales pitch)

Now let’s talk about trust signals, the little clues we use to decide if someone or something deserves our faith. These can be obvious — like diplomas on the wall — or sneaky, like a firm handshake. Here’s the catch: trust signals can be as misleading as a dating profile that lies about their age and their height.

Botsman suggests we get curious about these signals.

Are they real indicators of character or just shiny distractions? That glowing LinkedIn profile might scream competence, but what’s behind it? Did they actually lead those successful projects or just attend the meetings? Similarly, a five-star review on Amazon doesn’t mean a product won’t fall apart the minute you unbox it.

The key, Botsman argues, is to focus on the quality of these trust signals. Are they earned, consistent and reliable or are they more like a magician’s sleight of hand?

Transparency: when trust turns into reality show

Ah, transparency — the buzzword that’s supposed to solve all our trust issues. Botsman says we’ve bought into the idea if everyone shares everything all the time, we’ll magically live in a utopia of honesty. (Spoiler alert: we won’t.)

Transparency, when done right, is about giving people the right amount of visibility to understand context. For example, if a company discloses gender pay gaps, it can spark accountability and change. However, information needs to be disclosed alongside a plan for change or celebration of a goal.

Botsman highlights a crucial truth: the call for transparency often signals a deeper issue. It’s not that we need to see everything — it’s that we don’t trust what we can’t see.

Real villain: deception, not secrecy

One of Botsman’s best mic-drop moments is her take on secrecy: “Secrecy isn’t the enemy of trust — deception is.” And, wow, does that flip the script. We’re so wired to equate openness with honesty we forget not all secrets are bad.

Take a CEO during a financial crisis. Should they dump every grim detail triggering blind panic and chaos? Or should they carefully share what people need to know to stay informed and focused?

Trusting someone to hold back the right information isn’t about tolerating lies — it’s about respecting their judgment.

The real danger, Botsman explains, is deception — when people deliberately mislead us. Transparency might reveal some secrets but it won’t fix the systemic issues that caused the deception in the first place. If the thing being revealed is based on biased decision making, the problem will persist no matter how much of the data is shared. The only hope is transparency will shame the decision makers into making fairer decisions.

Slow down: trust isn’t a race

Here’s the thing about trust: we often treat it like a speed-run. First impressions, gut feelings and snap judgments rule the day. Botsman suggests when it comes to trust, patience really is a virtue.

Rushed trust decisions can backfire spectacularly. Imagine hiring someone because they “seem nice” during a single interview, only to discover they’ve mastered the art of dodging deadlines. Or agreeing to a business partnership after one slick pitch, only to realize your new partner’s idea of “collaboration” is taking credit for your work.

The lesson? Ask more questions. Do more homework. Give yourself time to dig beneath the surface.

Trust isn’t about sprinting to the finish line; it’s about building a solid bridge one brick at a time.

Trust: a two-way street

Ultimately, trust isn’t just about figuring out who or what deserves it — it’s about earning it yourself. Botsman reminds us trust is a two-way street. Are you consistent? Do you communicate openly? Can people rely on you to do what you say you’ll do?

Building trust isn’t about being perfect. It’s about showing up, owning your mistakes and being transparent where it counts. It’s about aligning your actions with your words and demonstrating you’re worth the faith people place in you.

Wrapping it all up

Trust is messy, complicated and, at times, downright frustrating. But it’s also what makes life rich, relationships meaningful and society functional.

Rachel Botsman’s insights remind us trust isn’t about blindly leaping into the unknown — it’s about stepping forward with care, curiosity and courage.

So the next time you’re deciding who or what to trust, take a moment. Ask yourself: “Am I tuning into real trust signals or am I just dazzled by the shiny stuff?”

“Am I trusting out of convenience because it’s easy?”

And most importantly: “Am I giving this decision the time it deserves?”

Trust isn’t just about who’s on the other end. It’s about how you approach the world— with openness, discernment, and just a little humor for when things go sideways.

Tory McNally, CPHR, BSc., vice-president, HR consulting, is a human resource professional, radio personality, speaker and problem solver. She can be reached at tory@legacybowes.com