Arrow through the pocketbook

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This article was published 08/02/2025 (561 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Many Canadians could be feeling less amorous about their relationship with money this Valentine’s Day.

If the thrill is gone regarding financial management, what is less certain is whether the feeling is mutual among partners in love.

It seems Canadian couples may be drifting apart financially, and they may not even know it.

One recent survey from IG Wealth Management found only half of couples discuss their finances. And among those that do, only about a quarter have had deep talks about retirement plans.

“Communication is important in every part of your relationship and finance is no different,” says Blair Evans, assistant vice-president of tax and estate planning at IG Wealth Management in Winnipeg.

“And the survey found a lot of couples aren’t having regular discussions.”

Given the amount of financial stress many Canadians have been enduring, talking it out with your life partner is not a bad idea.

Another recent poll suggests money stress is weighing heavily on our minds.

RBC’s Financial Flexibility Poll – Winter Edition found 56 per cent of Prairies respondents stated they felt financially paralyzed due to rising costs. Nearly half reported they can longer maintain their standard of living.

Manitobans (and Saskatchewanians) are most likely — 56 per cent of respondents — to be dipping into debt or retirement savings to pay the bills. That’s compared with 47 per cent nationally.

“That’s not a good feeling,” says Craig Bannon, director of regional financial planning support at RBC in Toronto. “Most couples want to feel like they’re getting ahead. They want to feel like they’re growing together.”

The surveys point to challenges in doing that, especially with respect to communication.

It’s hard to fight the battle of the budget without it. Yet it’s not surprising couples find it challenging to be intimate about money. It’s not unlike the broader drift that happens in relationships over time, says a Hamilton-based couples therapist.

“Often, the communication problems are actually a result of avoidance,” says Carly Fleming, a registered psychotherapist at Everwell Integrated Health Professionals.

Be it emotional or financial intimacy, talking about these often profound topics can produce its own stress.

“People don’t want to come home after a stressful day at work and then have a stressful conversation with their partners, so they tend to avoid and avoid — and that creates that drift over time,” she says.

Setting aside time to talk about money, rather than a spontaneous conversation starting with ‘We need to talk …,’ is a good start.

Fleming also recommends individuals do a deep dive regarding their own feelings about money to prepare.

“Each member of the partnership — all of us do — have our unique money stories, stress and even trauma,” she says.

Her practice often does touch on money problems for couples, but the strife is often part of a bigger picture. There are differences over parenting, work-life balance and values in general, she adds.

Another piece of advice: when you do talk, keep it civil.

“We typically work on communication strategies to reduce defensiveness and tension, and then look at each other with good will,” Fleming says.

Not everyone is going to go to therapy and a lot of people who aren’t on the same page financially may not need it. Other parts of their relationship are fine.

It’s just the dollars and cents in their lives that aren’t adding up.

One source of help is their financial institution.

“If a couple hasn’t talked about finances, they may not be sure where to start,” Evans says. Experienced financial planners can help.

“They have had these discussions numerous times, and they know how to guide that discussion.”

Consider it a safe space, even if it may not feel like one. Advisers can serve as an objective third-party, Bannon adds.

Couples don’t even have to start across a desk from an adviser. They can leverage plenty of planning tools online, he adds.

“Many people might be able to use that information to prepare to be more comfortable going to an adviser,” who can meet people where they’re at — in-person, virtually or over the phone.

Advisers can help with discussion over goals like retirement, having each partner flesh out what that means. Individuals do not need to be on the same page, but it’s important to understand each other’s goals.

From there, it’s a numbers game — which is in the wheelhouse of financial planners.

“One of the most important steps to building your financial future, be it an individual or a couple, is to understand what your current finances will allow you to achieve,” Bannon says.

Perhaps the biggest benefit of this kind of disclosure is it becomes easier over time, Evans adds. “Even though it might feel uncomfortable at the beginning, you can end up being a lot closer at the end.”

Joel Schlesinger is a Winnipeg-based freelance journalist

joelschles@gmail.com