Networking for people who hate networking

Opinion

For many people, the word “networking” conjures up images of crowded hotel ballrooms filled with nametags, business cards and lukewarm coffee. The thought of walking into a room full of strangers and attempting small talk about the weather or industry buzzwords is enough to send even seasoned professionals running for the exit.

Yet despite its reputation, networking remains one of the most powerful tools for career development. The good news is it does not have to feel awkward, transactional or forced. With the right mindset and approach, networking can feel less like a chore and more like the natural process of building relationships.

The first step in rethinking networking is to challenge the idea it is about collecting as many contacts as possible. Too often, people think of networking as a numbers game, where the goal is to walk away from an event with a stack of business cards.

In reality, networking is not about quantity but quality. One genuine connection can be far more valuable than dozens of shallow introductions. Think of it like planting seeds in a garden. A single seed, nurtured with care, can grow into a strong, lasting relationship that supports your career over time.

For those who dread the forced small talk that often accompanies networking, shifting the focus to curiosity can help. Instead of worrying about having the perfect pitch or impressing someone with your accomplishments, focus on asking thoughtful questions. Most people enjoy talking about their work, projects or career paths. By showing genuine interest, you not only ease the pressure on yourself but also create space for a more authentic exchange. Conversations rooted in curiosity feel less like transactions and more like connections.

It is also worth noting networking does not only happen at structured events. In fact, some of the most valuable networking takes place in casual, everyday settings. A conversation with a colleague from another department, a chat with someone you meet volunteering or even a discussion at a community workshop can all open unexpected doors. Broadening your definition of networking to include these informal interactions helps take the pressure off the idea of “working the room.” Instead, you can see networking as something you do naturally whenever you connect with others in a meaningful way.

Technology has also changed the landscape of networking, for better and worse. Platforms like LinkedIn make it possible to connect with professionals around the world without ever leaving your desk. For people who dislike in-person mingling, online networking can feel less intimidating.

Still, the same principles apply: authenticity matters. Sending connection requests without context or using generic messages is the digital equivalent of handing out business cards without conversation. Instead, personalize your outreach, reference a shared interest or comment on someone’s work. A thoughtful message is far more likely to spark a real exchange than a canned introduction.

For those who still feel anxious about networking, preparation can make a big difference. If you are attending an event, research who will be there and identify one or two people you would genuinely like to meet. Having a clear purpose reduces the feeling of wandering aimlessly. It also helps to have a few go-to questions in your pocket. Asking what someone is currently working on or what they enjoy most about their role can open the door to meaningful discussion. The trick is not to script yourself into stiffness but to give yourself a safety net so you feel more at ease.

Another useful reframe is to see networking as a two-way street.

Too often people approach it with the mindset of “what can I get from this person?” — which is what makes it feel transactional. Instead, consider what you can offer. Maybe you can share an article relevant to their interests, introduce them to someone in your circle or simply listen attentively to their challenges. Relationships are built on reciprocity and approaching networking with generosity makes it feel more human.

Of course, no conversation about networking would be complete without addressing the follow-up. A great chat is only the beginning. Staying connected is what transforms a pleasant encounter into a lasting, professional relationship.

The follow-up does not need to be elaborate. A short message thanking someone for their time, referencing something you discussed or sharing a resource you mentioned goes a long way. The key is to be consistent without being overwhelming. Periodic check-ins or updates help maintain the relationship without turning it into spam.

Networking can also be less intimidating if you shift your focus from the event itself to the long-term process. Building a network is not about one perfect evening of dazzling conversation; it is about slowly weaving a web of connections over time. Just as you would not expect to become best friends after one coffee, you should not expect instant results from a single event. Viewing networking as an ongoing practice helps relieve the pressure of making every encounter a grand success.

For introverts or those who simply find networking draining, it is important to recognize your limits. You do not need to attend every event or meet dozens of people at once. Choose opportunities that align with your interests and values. A smaller gathering focused on a topic you care about will likely yield more genuine conversations than a massive conference where everyone is competing for attention. Networking should support your career, not deplete your energy entirely.

Finally, remember that networking is not about becoming someone you are not. It is about showing up authentically, with genuine curiosity and a willingness to connect.

If you are not the type to work a room, that is fine.

Focus on meaningful one-on-one conversations. If you find small talk painful, steer discussions toward topics you care about. The people you connect with will appreciate your authenticity, and those relationships will be stronger for it.

In the end, networking is not a performance. It is not a game of business card collecting, or a competition to see who can impress the most people in the shortest time. It is about building relationships that support and enrich your professional life.

For those who hate the idea of networking, that perspective can be liberating.

Forget the script, ease off the pressure, and focus instead on the human side of connection. With time, you may find that networking feels less like a dreaded chore and more like what it truly is: a way of building community.

Tory McNally, CPHR, BSc., vice-president,

professional services, is a human resource consultant, radio personality and problem solver.

She can be reached at tory@legacybowes.com