Navigating feelings in office: when someone takes work personally

We’ve all worked with someone who feels things deeply at work. Maybe it’s the person who tears up after feedback or the one who goes quiet for a day if a project doesn’t go their way.

They’re not being dramatic — they just care, sometimes a little too much. And while it can be tricky to manage an employee who takes work personally, it’s also a sign of something good. It means they’re invested. They want to do well. They’re proud of what they contribute.

If you’ve ever managed someone who meets every bit of feedback with emotion, you know it can feel like walking through a field of rakes. You’re trying to help them grow and, suddenly, you’ve hit a nerve. But here’s the thing: employees who care deeply are often easier to coach than those who’ve checked out.

Passion can be guided; apathy cannot. The challenge is helping that emotion turn into motivation rather than meltdown.

Let’s start with what’s actually happening.

When someone takes feedback personally, it’s usually because they tie their sense of self-worth to their performance. A project doesn’t just go sideways — they have failed. A piece of feedback doesn’t mean “this could be stronger,” it feels like “you’re not good enough.” That’s a heavy emotional load to bring to work every day.

As a manager, your first job is to make sure that emotion doesn’t get dismissed or ridiculed. Telling someone they’re “too sensitive” or “need to toughen up” is the fastest way to shut them down. Instead, start by acknowledging the feeling behind the reaction.

You can say something as simple as: “I can tell this matters to you, and I really appreciate how invested you are.” That recognition helps lower the person’s defences. Once they feel seen, they’re more open to hearing what you actually need to discuss.

When it comes to giving feedback, language matters. Focus on the work, not the person. “The report needs more detail” lands differently than “You didn’t put in enough detail.” The first statement is about the task; the second sounds like an attack.

Over time, these subtle shifts in language can help employees separate their identity from their output — one of the healthiest professional habits a person can learn.

For people who are emotionally reactive, it can also help to make feedback more frequent and less formal. If the only time someone hears constructive comments is during annual performance reviews or after a mistake, it’s going to feel high-stakes. A five-minute check-in once a week, where feedback is part of normal conversation, can desensitize that fear. It builds trust and shows that feedback isn’t punishment — it’s part of the everyday rhythm of work.

Sometimes, though, no matter how carefully you word things, the tears come anyway.

That’s okay. Emotions are part of being human and humans work in your office. If someone starts crying during a feedback conversation, don’t rush to shut it down. Give them a minute. Offer a tissue. Ask if they’d like to take a short break and continue later. Most people feel embarrassed by their own emotional reactions, so your calm, kind response can help normalize the moment.

Being compassionate doesn’t mean you’re letting them off the hook — it means you’re creating space for them to regroup so they can stay engaged in the conversation.

As a leader, it’s also worth checking in with yourself about your comfort level around emotion at work. Many of us were taught professionalism meant leaving feelings at the door. But modern workplaces are far more human. People bring their whole selves to work — their ambitions, fears and, yes, feelings. Pretending otherwise just drives emotion underground where it festers and turns to gossip.

The goal isn’t to eliminate feelings; it’s to build emotional intelligence around them.

For the employee who’s taking things personally, coaching them to build perspective is key. Encourage them to pause before reacting and ask themselves a few grounding questions: “What part of this feedback do I agree with?” or “Is there another way to look at this?”

Over time, this helps them step back from the swirl of emotion and focus on what’s useful. You can model this by showing how you handle feedback yourself. Maybe you share a time when someone gave you tough input and how you processed it. People learn by example, and leaders who can show a bit of vulnerability often earn more trust.

Creating psychological safety in the workplace also makes a big difference. When people know they can make mistakes without being shamed, the stakes of feedback drop dramatically. Employees who feel safe are less defensive and more resilient. You can reinforce this by owning your own mistakes openly — “I missed that deadline, here’s what I’ll do differently next time” — and by celebrating effort and learning, not just success.

Of course, there are limits.

When an employee’s emotional reactions start to impact team dynamics, it’s time for a deeper conversation. If colleagues begin walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting someone, the balance has tipped.

In that case, frame the conversation around growth. “You bring so much passion to your work and that’s something I value. I’ve also noticed that when you get upset, it can make others hesitant to be honest. Let’s talk about how we can help you manage those moments so your strength doesn’t become a barrier.” It’s direct, but it’s kind — and it opens the door to solutions.

The good news is emotional employees often have incredible strengths. They’re loyal, empathetic and often the cultural glue that holds a team together. They’re the ones who remember everyone’s birthdays, notice when someone’s off their game and go the extra mile for clients.

The goal isn’t to change who they are; it’s to help them find balance so caring deeply doesn’t come at the cost of stability.

Remember to recognize their progress. Someone who once shut down after feedback but now asks clarifying questions has made a big leap. Someone who used to stew for a week but bounces back in a day is growing. These small victories matter — they’re the signs emotional intelligence is taking root.

Managing feelings in the office isn’t about keeping everything neat and tidy. It’s about recognizing emotion is part of the package when you hire passionate people. When we learn to support, guide and coach employees who take work personally, we don’t just help them — we make our workplaces stronger.

People who care deeply are the heartbeat of any organization. They just sometimes need help learning how to care without carrying it all on their shoulders.

When they do, their passion becomes the kind that lifts everyone around them.

Tory McNally, CPHR, BSc., vice-president,

professional services, is a human resource consultant, radio personality and problem solver.

She can be reached at tmcnally@tipipartners.com