‘Friendly’ teasing at work: is it possible?

My daughter and I have been watching episodes of The Office together lately. It’s one of those TV shows I used to find hilarious — until I became an HR professional. Now I watch it differently.

Every prank, sarcastic comment and “friendly” jab sets off my internal HR radar like an overactive smoke detector. I can’t help but notice every inappropriate exchange, every personal comment, every cringey “that-would-never-fly-today” moment.

I’m not even going to touch the deep, chaotic pit that is Michael Scott’s management style. That’s a full case study, not a Saturday column. But what caught my attention this time isn’t him — it’s the teasing between the co-workers.

Jim and Pam teasing Dwight, the office staff members ganging up on Angela, the constant jokes at someone’s expense.

And yet … everyone’s laughing. They seem to be having fun. They share inside jokes, they seem to like each other and, despite all the nonsense, there’s an undeniable camaraderie. My daughter pointed out the branch of Dunder Mifflin Paper Co. in Scranton, Pennsylvania, looks like a fun place to work — and I had to pause.

Is teasing — the kind that seems to bring people together — ever actually OK at work?

Thin line between bonding, bruising

In real workplaces, teasing is one of those tricky, grey-area behaviours. It’s social glue for some and a slow burn for others. A bit of light teasing can signal closeness and camaraderie — the kind of gentle ribbing that says, I know you well enough to joke with you. But cross the invisible line and it quickly turns into exclusion, humiliation or bullying.

What’s especially challenging is that teasing is subjective. What one person experiences as friendly banter, another might feel as an attack. The intention behind the comment and the impact it has are often worlds apart.

You can’t rely on “But I didn’t mean it that way” as a defence when someone’s feelings are hurt. At work, intent doesn’t erase impact.

Function of fun

Humour and playfulness do have a place at work — a big one. Teams that laugh together tend to communicate more easily, handle stress better and collaborate more effectively. Shared laughter builds trust and lowers tension.

A bit of teasing can be part of that, but it works only when everyone is in on the joke — and when the humour never targets something personal, permanent or protected. Teasing someone about their love of spreadsheets might be fine; teasing them about their appearance, age, accent or background is not.

If you’re unsure whether your comment might cross the line, uncertainty is your cue to stop. As a rule of thumb: if it might embarrass someone in front of others or if they can’t easily tease you back, it’s probably not friendly banter.

Silent side of ‘just kidding’

Here’s the uncomfortable truth: teasing at work can silence people.

If someone feels they’re constantly the butt of the joke, they’ll start avoiding team lunches, speaking less in meetings and disengaging quietly. You might think everyone’s having a good time — but you’re seeing only the people who feel safe enough to laugh.

Even subtle, repeated “jokes” at someone’s expense chip away at psychological safety. Once that safety is gone, creativity and contribution go with it. No one does their best thinking when they’re busy bracing for the next punchline.

When someone says, “It’s just a joke,” it often means the joke was at someone else’s cost.

Reading the room (and the people in it)

So how do you know if teasing is working for or against your workplace?

Here are a few questions worth asking yourself or your team:

Does everyone laugh — including the person being teased? If you see someone smile tightly or change the subject, that’s a sign the teasing might not be landing as intended.

Can everyone dish it out and take it equally? Power dynamics matter. Teasing down the hierarchy (a manager teasing an employee) rarely feels safe, even if it’s meant playfully.

Does the teasing stop when someone asks it to? The moment a person says, “Hey, not cool,” or looks uncomfortable, it’s time to stop. Respecting boundaries builds trust; ignoring them destroys it.

Is it inclusive or exclusive humour? Inclusive humour makes everyone feel like part of the team. Exclusive humour divides — making some people “in” and others “out.”

Laughter that lifts everyone

If you’re someone who brings a lot of humour to your workplace — keep doing it. Joy and laughter are contagious and workplaces need more of both. But aim for humour that lifts people up instead of putting anyone down.

Here are some safer (and more fun) ways to build lightness at work:

Celebrate small wins with silly awards or fun titles (“Spreadsheet Queen” or “Coffee MVP”). Host inside jokes about shared experiences, not individuals. (“Remember the Great Printer Meltdown of 2022?” is better than “Remember when Gary broke the printer again?”) Use humour to connect, not correct. (A funny meme about meeting overload is great; teasing someone for being “late again” is not.)

Make room for all humour styles. Not everyone jokes the same way — and that’s okay. Encourage people to show up authentically — some with dry wit, others with gentle sarcasm, others not at all.

When teasing goes wrong

If you realize you’ve crossed a line, own it immediately. A genuine, private apology goes a long way. “I realize that joke didn’t land the way I meant it and I’m sorry if it made you uncomfortable” is far better than “I was just joking.”

If you’re the one feeling uncomfortable, it’s okay to speak up — though I know it can feel awkward. You don’t need to make it a formal complaint right away. Sometimes a simple “I’d rather you didn’t joke about that” can reset the tone. If it doesn’t stop, that’s when HR should step in — ideally before resentment festers.

Back to The Office

Watching reruns of The Office with my daughter has been a good reminder that while teasing and humour make for great television, real workplaces need a different kind of laughter.

In the show, the teasing is written for punchlines, not people’s well-being. In real life, the stakes are higher — we want laughter that connects, not laughter that cuts.

So, yes, teasing can exist at work — but only when it’s rooted in mutual respect, balanced relationships and genuine care. When the fun stops being fun for everyone, that’s when the joke’s gone too far.

And while I might not be able to watch The Office anymore without twitching, I’ll admit this: they do look like they enjoy each other. The goal for any workplace should be to create that same sense of connection — minus the cringe.

Because when everyone feels safe enough to laugh, belong, and be themselves — that’s when work becomes more than just productive. It becomes human.

Tory McNally, CPHR, BSc., vice-president, professional services, is a human resource consultant, radio personality and problem solver. She can be reached at tmcnally@tipipartners.com.