Desperate dinners

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This article was published 11/10/2006 (7161 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

IT requires a whole team of stylists and makeup artists to get TV’s five Desperate Housewives looking impossibly fabulous while retaining that aura of desperation.

And yet, as a viewer you may find yourself thinking, “Never mind the yummy mummies — what about the yummy food?” Well, according to The Desperate Housewives Cookbook (by Christopher Styler and Scott S. Tobis, Hyperion Books, $36.95) there’s just about as much artifice involved in the kitchen as there is in the makeup chair.

Week after week, it’s the job of a food stylist and a prop master to review the scripts and assemble (along with a crack team of foodies) the food that appears in every scene, even if it’s just there for looks.

Think it’s easy? Sometimes it’s a feat of engineering more than culinary skill.

In the episode Running to Stand Still, Bree tries to seduce her husband Rex but can’t get in the mood because of an awful-looking food item — a very bad burrito. The props team had to build a heated tube to insert inside the burrito so that it could ooze white and yellow cheese on command. The scene had to be shot three times in order to make the director and executive producer happy with the speed and volume of the ooze.

Here are a few other tidbits from the kitchens of Desperate Housewives.

Cream cheese is used to stick sandwiches to trays that characters are carrying.

Whipped cream is hand-whipped with Splenda to cut calories.

To preserve continuity through multiple takes, 30 to 40 edible versions of a food must be prepared if characters are actually going to eat.

In one episode, Susan overcooks Dr. Ron’s steak. They used between 16 and 20 steaks and had to insert toothpicks horizontally into the meat to make it difficult to cut.

In the episode where Lynette eats raw bacon, a specially cured bacon was imported from Germany and then taken to a butcher to be sliced to make it look like regular, raw bacon.

If actors are not eating the food in a scene, the stylist might coat it with spray-on Pam to make it look “just out of the oven.”

The 125 recipes in The Desperate Housewives Cookbook are divided according to how each character cooks. So for perfectionist Bree Van De Kamp (Marcia Cross), it’s about how complex and beautiful it can be. Pratfall-prone Susan Mayer (Terri Hatcher) provides idiot-proof recipes. Former model Gabrielle Solis (Eva Longoria) gives us recipes that are simple and healthy. Harried working mother Lynnette Scavo (Felicity Huffman), mother of aliteratively named children Parker, Porter, Preston and Penny, contributes good, solid family meals to the collection. And finally, everybody’s favourite seductress Edie Britt (Nicollette Sheridan) turns in dishes designed to drive a poolboy to distraction.

Here’s a little sampling of what you’ll find between the covers at Wisteria Lane.

Bree’s bratwurst with Sweet and Sour Cabbage

45 ml (3 tbsp) vegetable oil

8 small bratwurst (about 85 g or 3 oz each)

1 large yellow onion, thinly sliced (about 750 ml or 3 cups)

60 ml (1/4 cup) white wine vinegar

30 ml (2 tbsp) sugar

30 ml (2 tbsp) gin (optional)

5 ml (1 tsp) salt

One 1-kg (2-lb) head red cabbage, dark leaves removed

1 tart apple, such as Granny Smith, peeled, cored and cut into 1/2-inch dice

125 ml (1/2 cup) raisins

Freshly ground black pepper

1. Heat the oil in a large (about 11 x 3-inch deep) heavy casserole over medium heat until rippling. Add the sausages and cook, turning until browned on all sides, about 8 minutes. Transfer to a plate and set aside.

2. Add the onion and cook, stirring occasionally, until wilted and slightly browned, about 10 minutes.

3. Meanwhile, stir the vinegar, sugar, gin (if using) and salt together in a small bowl until the sugar is dissolved. Set aside. Cut the cabbage in quarters through the core. Cut out the core and cut the cabbage crosswise into 0.5-cm (1/4-inch) strips. Toss the cabbage, apple, and raisins together in a bowl.

4. Pour the vinegar mixture into the onion. Cook, scraping the bottom until the vinegar comes to a boil and is reduced by half. Add about half the cabbage mixture and toss until the cabbage is coated with liquid. Continue adding more cabbage as room is made in the pan, until all the cabbage mixture is added.

5. Cover the pan, reduce the heat to medium-low and cook, stirring occasionally, until the cabbage is very tender, about 20 minutes.

6. Tuck the sausages into the cabbage and increase the heat to medium-high. Cook until almost all the liquid is evaporated and the sausages are heated through. Season to taste with pepper. Serve the sausages on individual plates on a bed of cabbage or make a bed of the cabbage on a large platter and top with the sausages. Serves 4.

Recipe source: The Desperate Housewives Cookbook by Christopher Styler and Scott S. Tobis.

Lynette’s slow cooker pot roast

One 1.75- to 2-kg (3 1/2- to 4-lb) beef pot roast (rump or bottom round)

Vegetable oil

750 ml (3 cups) canned beef broth

30 ml (2 tbsp) tomato paste

30 ml (2 tbsp) Dijon mustard

One 500-g (1-lb) bag baby carrots

One 300-g (10-oz) package small cremini mushrooms

1 large yellow onion, cut into 1-cm (1/2-inch) slices

2 bay leaves

Salt and freshly ground black pepper (optional)

1. Pat the beef dry on all sides with paper towels. Pour enough vegetable oil into a large skillet to film the bottom and heat over medium-high heat until rippling. Add the beef and cook, turning with large tongs or two forks, until well-browned on all sides, about 12 minutes.

2. Meanwhile, whisk the broth, tomato paste, and mustard together in the cooker. Put the beef in the cooker and scatter the vegetables over and around the beef, distributing them more or less evenly. Add the bay leaves. Set the cooker to High/8 hours.

3. Toward the end of cooking, taste the cooking broth and season with salt and pepper if necessary.

4. Remove the beef to a carving board. With a slotted spoon, scoop the vegetables around the border of a large platter or into a serving bowl. Carve the beef against the grain into 1/4-inch slices. Arrange the slices overlapping down the center of the platter or onto individual plates. Discard the bay leaves and ladle some of the cooking liquid into a gravy boat. Serve hot. Serves 8.

Recipe source: The Desperate Housewives Cookbook by Christopher Styler and Scott S. Tobis.

Edie’s angel hair pasta with smoked salmon

Salt

30 ml (2 tbsp) unsalted butter

45 ml (3 tbsp) finely chopped chives or fresh dill

125 g (4 oz) angel hair pasta

2 slices smoked salmon (about 55 g or 2 oz), finely chopped (about 125 ml or 1/2 cup)

Salt and freshly ground pepper

2 lemon wedges, seeds removed

1. Bring large pot of salted water to a boil.

2. Meanwhile, put the butter and herb of choice in a small bowl. Set aside. Add the pasta to the boiling water and cook, stirring, until tender but still firm in the center, about 3 minutes. Spoon 60 ml or 1/4 cup of the cooking liquid into the bowl with the butter, then drain the pasta.

3. Return the pasta to the pot but keep off the heat. Add the contents of the small bowl and toss well. Add the salmon, toss again, and season to taste with salt and pepper. Divide between two warm shallow bowls, top each with a lemon wedge, and serve immediately. Serves 2 as an appetizer.

Recipe source: The Desperate Housewives Cookbook by Christopher Styler and Scott S. Tobis.