Don’t let these treats bug you too much

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 29/10/2009 (6039 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

The first thing I need to tell you is they definitely do NOT taste like chicken.

I’m referring here to the hottest new Halloween treat — insects, including crickets, larvae and scorpions, which have been lovingly coated in chocolate or dusted in yummy potato-chip-style flavours.

I learned about these scary snacks from assistant city editor Carl DeGurse, who explained that if you happen to be a humour columnist and a candy store in your area is selling bug goodies, you are contractually obligated to carry out a Scientific Taste Test.

So that’s what I did, and we’ll get to the results in a minute, but first I have to tell you about my visit to Sugar Mountain, 657 Corydon Ave., where I grilled owner Sherritt Sobey, 36, who began carrying insect treats because his customers had read about them on the Internet.

"It’s mainly young people buying them," Sherritt said, "They buy them for the fear factor. They sit around and dare each other to eat an ant or a cricket.

"It really picks up at Halloween for parties. They bob for apples but they also bob for crickets. I sell almost a case a week of all the product."

But he refuses to try them himself. Which brings us to my Scientific Taste Test, wherein I fed free samples of the buggy treats to a six-member Expert Taste Panel, consisting of me; my son Liam; his best friend Andrew; my wife’s co-worker Sharon; our basset hound Cooper; and our wiener dog Zoe.

The boys took part because they are young, adventurous… and I gave them as much beer as they wanted, whereas the dogs view insects as one of the five main food groups, along with furniture, shoes, Kleenex and socks. Here are the results:

Treat No. 1 — Larvets ($2.99), Mexican Spice flavoured fried larvae, which the box calls "the original worm snax."

Andrew’s review: "I don’t like that they have little legs. They’re not as bad as they appear. They kind of fall apart in your mouth. They remind me of sunflower seeds."

Liam’s review: "A little too much exoskeleton, if that’s the right term. The aftertaste kind of stays with you."

Me: "It’s like eating a Cheeto if it was skinny, stale, lacking flavour… and had tiny, hairy legs."

Treat No. 2 — Crick-Ettes ($2.99), salt ‘n’ vinegar fried crickets, which the box calls "the other green meat."

Andrew (staring at the cricket): He’s frowning at me. The legs stick around for a long time. They’re gritty. The legs are the worst part. It’s like a bean filled with sand."

Liam: "Hmmm, I don’t know if it’s salt and vinegar flavour or cricket flavour. I think that papery feel is a wing. It’s like sunflower seeds, but just the shell."

Treat No. 3 — Ant Candy ($4.99), with, according to the box, "Real Farm Ants, chocolate flavoured."

Sharon’s review: "Mmmmmm! Delicious! Really good!"

Andrew: "They’re not too ant-y. They’re crunchy. It’s like there’s little tiny raisins in them."

Treat No. 4 — Chocolate covered larvae ($4.99).

Andrew: "It’s kind of like a chocolate-covered pretzel. Unfortunately, the chocolate doesn’t stop the pieces from getting stuck inside your mouth."

Treat No. 5 — Chocolate-coated crickets ($4.99).

Liam: "It looks like a chocolate covered peanut, but the legs give it away. (Crunching loudly) Ugh! It’s like the chocolate sealed in the cricket’s insides. There’s a lot of legs going on."

Treat No. 6 — A green Cricket-Lickit sucker ($2.99) which Sharon took home to consume.

She emailed later to say: "It is with great sadness I must tell you that I am unable to lick my way to the cricket; the closer I get to him the more I feel sick to my stomach."

At least the dogs enjoyed all the salty bugs, which they indicated by licking their lips, wagging their tails and staring at the boxes with laser-like intensity.

For safety reasons, I didn’t finish the Scorpion Sucker ($2.99), because I dreaded the moment its pointy tail was exposed and I’d have to decide whether to keep licking or just flush it down the big candy bowl in the bathroom. Same for the Tequila Worm Lollipop ($2.99).

Still, my advice to consumers is: Go ahead! Hand out bugs this Halloween. The trick-or-treaters may not appreciate it, but you’ll sure make my dogs happy.

doug.speirs@freepress.mb.ca