Take that, melon heads

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 04/09/2011 (5388 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Busloads of Winnipeggers are off to Regina with buckets of blue paint. Optimism is running high that the Bombers will actually win a Labour Day Classic bash. After all, Winnipeg sports a 7-1 record this season while the green (as in sickly) Riders have a 1-7 record.

But admit it, Bomber fans. You are a little worried about this one, aren’t you? If Saskatchewan is going to win any other game this season, this will be it. There are a whole lot of bragging rights on the line here. Just in case Big Blue doesn’t come through, there are plenty of other things Winnipeggers can brag about. So win or lose, go ahead and splash that blue paint all over Regina.

 

PRIME MINISTERS

 

MANITOBA gave Canada Arthur Meighen — Canada’s ninth prime minister, since you asked. The proud son of Portage la Prairie alternated with William Lyon Mackenzie King to be Canada’s top dog between 1920 and 1926.

Saskatchewan, inexplicably, provided two prime ministers: the aforementioned King, who represented Prince Albert, and John Diefenbaker, who also represented Prince Albert. But King was a spiritualist who talked to his dead mother, and Diefenbaker shook his jowls a lot and cancelled the Avro Arrow.

 

EDGE: Manitoba. Meighen wasn’t in office long enough to totally mess things up.

 

ROCK STARS

 

SASKATCHEWAN’S Joni Mitchell is good. Real good. She wrote Both Sides Now and Woodstock, and Rolling Stone placed her 1971 album, Blue, at No. 30 on its 500 greatest albums of all time list.

But seriously. Guess Who. BTO. Neil Young… they’ve got her totally drowned out. And, for better or worse, both Regina and Winnipeg can lay claim to Streetheart.

 

EDGE: Manitoba. Go ahead, Saskatchewan. Build your ice cream castles in the air.

 

FAMOUS WRITERS

 

OK. We play a Margaret Laurence, they play a W.O. Mitchell. They play a Sinclair Ross, we play a Gabrielle Roy. They play a Yann Martel and a Gail Bowen, we play a David Bergen and a Miriam Toews.

 

EDGE: Let’s call this a draw. Good to know banjo pickers actually read books, too.

 

TV SHOWS

 

SASKATCHEWAN has Corner Gas and Little Mosque on the Prairie. Manitoba has Falcon Beach and Less Than Kind.

 

EDGE: Ummm… you might not want to get in an argument about this in a Regina bar. You will probably lose. But Fred Penner’s Place had a pretty good run.

 

MOVIE STARS

 

REGINA’S Leslie Nielsen appeared in more than 1,500 TV shows and 100 movies — many of which you have actually seen: Airplane!, The Naked Gun series… Roger Ebert described him as “the Olivier of spoofs.”

Given all that, do you still want to put Nia Vardalos up against him? Nope. She doesn’t have a Big Fat Greek chance.

 

EDGE: Saskatchewan. Let us amuse you with this quote from Naked Gun 2 1/2:

Hapsburg: I don’t recall your name on the guest list.

Frank: That’s OK. I sometimes go by my maiden name.

 

NHL HEROES

 

YOU probably think we have this one wrapped up, right? Manitoba has spawned any number of hockey greats: Andy Bathgate, Eddy Belfour, Bobby Clarke, Reggie Leach, Bill Mosienko, Terry Sawchuk…

But Saskatchewan only needs to utter one name to make the rest of the provinces bow: Gordie Howe. Any man who can compete in pro hockey in five different decades deserves total adulation regardless of the province he comes from.

 

EDGE: Saskatchewan — even though Howe doesn’t have a bowling lane named after him like Mosienko does.

 

IN THE MOVIES

 

DOZENS of movies have been filmed in Winnipeg, including an Oscar winner (Capote) and a cult hit (The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford). We won’t mention New in Town if you don’t.

As for movies filmed in Saskatchewan, well…

 

EDGE: Manitoba. If Saskatchewan really wants to compete in this category, they could get some quirky director to do a film similar to My Winnipeg. They could call it the Regina Monologues.

 

AND THE

WINNER IS…

 

OK. Let’s tally up the score. Winnipeg takes Prime Minister, Rock Music and In the Movies. Saskatchewan takes TV Shows, Movie Stars and NHL heroes.

It looks like a tie. But wait… we’ve got the ultimate tiebreaker. To win provincial bragging rights hands down, just look at that melon-headed banjo picker who is getting in your face and ask him/her this: So… what’s the name of your NHL team? You won’t even have to mention that our biggest lake is bigger than your biggest lake.

 

EDGE: MANITOBA