Engaged teens need to get real

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 18/08/2012 (4811 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

If you are a teenager and thinking of getting married, Auntie Lindor has some advice.

Don’t.

Don’t confuse a wedding with a marriage. Don’t think you’re grown up at 18, because you’re not. Don’t think it’s a great way to get away from your parents and into your own place. Your own place will be small and underfurnished and you won’t be able to afford the cable you think you need.

 

Don’t start off living in your parents’ basement to save money because that’s just too sad for words.

And if you think Auntie Lindor has no idea what she’s talking about (a common view, especially among her own children), well then, you could be famous. In a Canadian sort of way, of course.

Auntie Lindor thinks that’s a bad idea too, for what it’s worth.

SLICE Television just put out a casting call for teenagers in love who are planning to get married in the next six months and don’t mind having their every wart and meltdown broadcast to the critical masses. SLICE airs such classics as Bridezillas, Bulging Brides, Ex-Wives of Rock, and Rich Bride, Poor Bride. Anyone spot the theme?

They’re also responsible for bringing the entire Housewives Of Some City or Another franchise to Canada.

My Teenage Wedding is searching for “engaged teenagers and young adults of all ethnic backgrounds, sexual orientation and budget levels” to “apply for the incredible opportunity to tell their story of love and commitment and to share the trials and triumphs that they face as they make their way to the altar.” All this in one 22-minute episode.

They’ll give you $4,000 toward the wedding if you’re chosen. Cue the stampede of teenagers raised on reality TV and social media, unable to discern between private, intimate moments and trips to the mall. If it’s good enough for the Kardashians, it’s good enough for Canadian teenagers, right?

That was a rhetorical question, boys and girls.

One or both of the people in the relationship must be 19 or younger. The youngest one so far was 17, but the PR woman for Cineflix Media, the show’s parent company, says they’d like to get “some 16- or 15-year-olds.”

If the teens are under legal marrying age, their parents have to consent.

Dan Pasqua is the show’s producer. He’s 30 and has been in the reality show biz for nearly 10 years. He says today’s teens are very open to sharing their personal moments on television.

“They live their lives on Facebook and Twitter. Their lives are an open book,” he says. “In the ’80s and ’90s it was sitcoms. Now there are reality TV shows.”

Most of us knew the Huxtables weren’t real people, just like we understand the Kardashians aren’t real people. You did know that, right? But your wedding should be real, or as real as something involving identically dressed women, polkas, overpriced meals and an expensive white dress that will never be worn again can be.

I watched a My Teenage Wedding episode starring Ottawa teens Catherine and Daniel. She’s 19 and in Grade 11. He’s 21, didn’t finish high school, is unemployed and estimates he plays video games 10 hours daily. They have an infant daughter.

“They’ll do good,” her mom says of the couple. His mom had him at 18 and got married at 20.

While I wish the two (OK, three) crazy kids luck, Daniel’s ambition is “seeking a career playing video games.” Good luck there, son.

To get on the show, Pasqua says it helps to have interesting friends and “big personalities,” come from different cultures and maybe live someplace unique.

“They’re still kids,” he says. “We’re just documenting their journey to adulthood.”

And that’s the part that really bothers Auntie Lindor. They are kids. And while some young couples make it work, this show won’t tell you how.

If you’re going to sell out, kids, make sure the size of the cheque makes it worthwhile. If you think $4,000 is enough, you really are too young to be married.

 

lindor.reynolds@freepress.mb.ca