You’re never too old to make a change

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 01/02/2021 (1852 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

I quit my job at the end of 2020.

When I emailed my letter of resignation before Christmas, I was terrified. Granted, I was not too terrified to film myself for a TikTok video, but writing the email and sending it made my heart beat out of my chest. I had just marked 20 years at a Crown corporation that offered a decent wage, pension, vacation time and benefits. The sense of comfort was so familiar, it was like an old hat. I had been working there for nearly my entire adult life, so the place, people and culture were deeply ingrained in my life.

It was a fine place to be, it paid the bills. However, I was near the point of my career where I would need to move on, and no matter how I looked at it, I couldn’t find a spot for myself. It seemed like there was nowhere else for me to go within that organization.

I don’t know if this is what happens to people, or if it was just me, but I started to look back and realize how much life and time I had invested into that job. It wasn’t a positive or negative experience, it was more of a reflection of where I was and where I wanted to be.

Maybe I was having a mid-life crisis.

I fretted about that for a long time. I figured I was already too old and had put in too much time to leave. I grew up with the notion that you find a good job and keep it until you retire or die. I planted myself firmly in the assumption that my years of service and experience made me invaluable, or at least provided stability. I assumed that I would stay, for better or for worse.

Then the pandemic hit, and the notion of job security and stability crumbled. Like so many other Canadians, I was temporarily laid off last spring. The initial devastation was cushioned by CERB payments and a sense of togetherness, as so many other people were experiencing the same thing. The layoff forced me to take a hard look at my life and the world around me, and realize that things can change in ways we may have never imagined, in the blink of an eye.

So much of my identity was wrapped up in a job I thought was more mine than it actually was, even though it didn’t fit quite right anymore. While I was furloughed, the job functions continued and were done well by someone else. My absence wasn’t noticeable outside of my own experience, except maybe by the person who had to take on my duties. That’s when it really sunk in that this job was not a part of me, it was just something I did.

I’ll say it again so that it sinks in: Your job isn’t who you are, no matter how much pride you take in it. You’re more than that.

My layoff ended in the middle of August. The job had been tweaked a little but remained mostly the same. I recognize my privilege in being called back while others are still waiting or have lost their job. This is a devastating consequence of the pandemic, and one that has hit so many people. COVID-19 has cracked the foundation of how we are used to living and has weakened our sense of security.

After I returned to work, I was worried another layoff was impending. When another opportunity was presented to me, I jumped at it. After over-thinking my position, asking for a leave and being denied, my career ended with a couple of sentences and a click of the “send” button. It was much scarier to think about it than actually doing it. Now that I’ve quit, I realize leaving a job I had been at for 20 years didn’t mean I lost the years I had put it, it just meant I was moving on to something different. I’m excited and a bit scared to be out of my comfort zone. Change is scary, but it turns out you’re never too old or too invested in something to make it.

shelley.cook@freepress.mb.ca

Twitter: @ShelleyACook