Sharing is caring, but when is it too much on social media?

Opinion

When I had my child, I had an overwhelming desire to share her with the world.

I was so proud of being the mother of an incredible little human, and the urge to post pictures of every single moment, milestone or not, was overpowering. Our lives intersected completely in those first years.

She was a teeny-tiny helpless baby who came from me and was completely dependent on me, so I think for a long time I saw her more as an extension of myself, rather than as a separate person. Even now, as the kids are getting older and our lives become more separate, the line of how our lives intersect is still really blurry for me.

When I look back, I realize I got some decisions wrong. Really, really wrong. One of the biggest mistakes I feel I’ve made is that over the years I’ve overshared. (I’ve Googled this, it’s a thing that many parents do, and it even has a cringe-worthy name: “Sharenting” — the practice of parents publicizing sensitive content about their children on internet platforms.)

My friends lists and mutuals online have been given a front row seat to our family’s lives that I’ve consented to, but that my daughter and stepchildren may not have.

My friends lists and mutuals online have been given a front row seat to our family’s lives that I’ve consented to, but that my daughter and stepchildren may not have.

Over the years I’ve posted pictures and videos and little stories online starring my kids, completely overlooking the fact that my story isn’t only my own, and the way I share it can really infringe on my family’s privacy. That’s not fair. I’ve touched on this subject before, but I think this is an important conversation to have and to revisit.

Lately I have seen more and more TikToks and articles from the first generation of babies and kids who grew up online, now adults, or at least close to adulthood, talking about being deprived of privacy. I realize how our decisions to post our kids can have lasting consequences for them.

It wasn’t until the last year or maybe two that I’d considered the cute picture I posted online as more than just a cute picture. Or the little story I turned into a Facebook status or tweet would be something my kids may not want other people knowing, whether it’s sensitive or not. (Even this column. It’s only in the last little while that I have taken to talking to my kids about some of the things I share and write before I share or write them, because if it’s about them it affects them, and they have a say in whether I share or not.)

I’m not trying to shame or judge parents who share about their children online; it is not my place to tell other families what their boundaries ought to be, especially because I’m still trying to figure out mine.

Consent and boundaries are important, and they’re allowed to move and change with a person’s comfort level.

For our family, social media has been a useful way to stay connected to people we like and care about and share our family with loved ones we may not see often. In fact, I still share and am trying to find that balance and agreed-upon boundaries that work for everyone in my family on how we respectfully do this online. Consent and boundaries are important, and they’re allowed to move and change with a person’s comfort level.

I hope I don’t come off as sounding too judgmental. I was just sitting here, pondering my own situation when the ol’ column deadline was looming, and I thought this was a really important conversation to have.

I think basically all of us parents post from a place of love and pride. Social media, after all, is a way to share and connect.

It’s sometimes easy to forget the boundless depths of the Internet that seem small behind the false security of privacy settings and friends lists.

shelley.cook@freepress.mb.ca

Twitter @ShelleyACook