Gift of permission to say no this season

Opinion

We are so close to Christmas, and I am not ready. At least, I don’t feel like I’m ready.

I have a list of things I wanted to do for the holidays.

I wanted to bake an assortment of goodies and decorate cookies with the children. I wanted to spend a handful of evenings listening to old crooners sing Christmas carols on my Amazon Echo while I leisurely wrapped gifts (all thoughtful presents, not junk). I wanted to watch Hallmark movies in abundance. I envisioned this would be the year I’d whip up a vinarterta and homemade perogies.

While I’m in the chaos I enjoy parts of it, but in hindsight I romanticize mostly all of it.

I had a list. A vision. A hope for the holidays.

I have accomplished exactly none of those things. (Though, I did pop in and buy half a vinarterta from the Butter Tart Lady on Ness Avenue. So, let’s count that as a win.)

Good intentions gone awry. I was feeling pretty lousy about myself, until I realized how high (and if I’m being frank, silly) my expectations for the holidays have been. I’ve accomplished a lot — some days that means I’ve knocked items off my daily to-do list while feeling good and in the moment; other times, it means I survived the day, and that was my biggest and only accomplishment.

Both are good.

I love the holidays; Christmas is my favourite time of the year. But it always surprises me, and even catches me off guard just how hectic this season becomes.

I’m not joking, it’s like I develop a sort of Christmas amnesia every year as December rolls around, and I’ve forgotten how the previous years were a whirlwind until I’m in the thick of it again. While I’m in the chaos I enjoy parts of it, but in hindsight I romanticize mostly all of it.

I need to slow my roll.

Now, I love a good tradition, there are certain things that make the holidays feel like home. However, I would be remiss not mention sometimes the holidays can be really hard. The most festive time of the year can also be the loneliest and most daunting.

We have a lot of expectations to live up to, and sometimes upholding those expectations and traditions is heavy.

I think one of the best gifts we can give ourselves this holiday season (I know not everyone celebrates Christmas) is we can be kind and gracious to ourselves, and we can give ourselves permission to celebrate (or not) this time of year how we choose.

One of the best Christmases I ever had was several years ago, when my younger sister and I spent Dec. 25 eating french fries and sipping cheap wine at the Salisbury House on Pembina Highway. It was so casually awesome, out of the ordinary. It was damn near perfect.

We have a lot of expectations to live up to, and sometimes upholding those expectations and traditions is heavy.

I tell my kids the lore of the best Christmas ever, every time we drive past that restaurant. Oh, memories!

Further to that, some of my nicest, most relaxing experiences have been the times that I’ve said no and opted out of an event or tradition or even just out of being around other people because I didn’t have it in me to partake.

Learning to say no and feeling brave enough to do it even when I am scared I will hurt someone’s feelings or make someone upset has been a lifesaver for me.

I absolutely want to partake in family festivities and enjoy the company of other people, but I also want to make sure I am taking care of myself. I’d prefer if anything burns out, it’s the lights on my trees and not me.

My folks have always been easy going and instilled this notion Christmas is a season, not a day.

Whatever you celebrate or if you don’t celebrate anything at all, I wish you the best this season.

Twitter: @ShelleyACook

shelley.cook@freepress.mb.ca