‘Check on the strong ones’ a mission for mental health

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 30/01/2023 (1000 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Stacia Franz and Kieran Ebanks met in the early 2000s, working at a St. Vital restaurant. She was a waitress, he was a cook.

The pair had found a soul mate in one another, growing up and building a life together. They endured and withstood several periods of long distance throughout the relationship, but there was never a thought they wouldn’t stay together.

Both were driven and successful. Franz worked in communications before attending law school overseas; Ebanks was one of the youngest people to be drafted to the Canadian Border Services Agency — a dream he had since immigrating to Canada from Birmingham, England, as a boy.

Throughout his career, Ebanks won several awards and accolades, though he was humble in his honours. Ebanks was the kind of person who did random acts of kindness. He was the strong one.

On April 25, 2022, Ebanks died by suicide. He was 33.

In a heartfelt eulogy posted to her Facebook page, Franz pays tribute to Ebanks in the nearly 17-minute video, recorded last year during his celebration of life service.

Franz speaks openly and eloquently about her partner, who she described as the love of her life, and their 15-year relationship. She musters up words of hope and encouragement for others who may be struggling.

“Kieran was always the strong one, the one who was always there for someone in need. He was everyone’s rock. But none of us knew how much he was hurting; how much he was hiding from us all. How much pain he was experiencing, or how much help he needed,” she says.

“That’s why today, I want you to check on the strong ones. The ones who smile. The ones who make others laugh. The ones who carry the burdens. The ones who are unshakable. The ones who lift others up. The ones who lead the charge and the ones who move forward when everyone else holds back. Not everyone is ready to ask for help or speak up for themselves, so today talk to everyone.”

“Check on the strong ones” has become a mission statement for Franz.

It is the name of the non-profit she and a committee of 12 others — including lawyers, communications professionals, instructors and law enforcement professionals — are forming improve access to mental health supports for first responders and officers like her late husband (a superintendent at CBSA trade operations division in Winnipeg).

On Jan. 16, Franz and locally owned clothing company Zueike launched the ‘Check on the Strong Ones’ T-shirt campaign to raise awareness for mental health. For every shirt purchased, part of the proceeds will go toward the Zueike B.History fund, which will be used to donate to mental health initiatives in Manitoba.

The shirt was designed to have the Canada Crisis Health phone number printed on the inside.

“A lot of people still have a really negative stigma attached to suicide,” Franz said in an interview. “I want people to understand that there’s no blame in it. There’s no embarrassment and there’s no shame.”

Zueike’s website states: “We’re honoured Stacia trusted us to share her story and create this campaign. By standing together as a united community, we can make a real difference and create a safe, supportive environment for all.”

In the nine months since her husband’s death, Franz’s journey has been anything but easy.

There are days that are dark, and her wounds of sorrow remain unclosed. There are the other days where everything is fine, and sometimes even better than fine.

It’s not all doom and gloom; there are sparks of joy and laughter throughout the healing process. Grief is a complicated thing.

Franz is working on a book about her own experience in it.

“I want people to understand that grief is not what you think it is. It’s very different and it’s not linear,” she said.

“This whole campaign will have those moments of joy and happiness, as well as sorrow and grief filled all at the same time, because life is not one or the other; it’s this beautiful mix… so I’d like to represent that because that’s what’s real.”

She keeps moving forward. She goes to counselling and deals with her trauma by jumping steadfast into work. She has a close circle of friends and family who check in on her regularly, and she knows the work she is doing is much needed and helping people.

“I am doing this because Kieran was that person who just went above and beyond for everyone. I learned a lot from him in our relationship, like patience, and kindness and the ability to see everybody else’s hearts. So, in understanding that’s who he was, that’s what I am moving forward with.”

shelley.cook@Freepress.mb.ca

Twitter: @ShelleyACook