A chance to grieve, share again

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This article was published 25/10/2021 (1585 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Even before the bagpipes played, heads bowed and lights dimmed for loved ones lost, walking into the Rockwood hall felt, for many families, like coming home.

On Sunday afternoon, the former church building at the corner of Wilton Street and Scotland Avenue in River Heights hosted a revival of a suspended part of its long history. For generations, the veterans’ organization Army Navy and Air Force Veterans in Canada (ANAVETS) Rockwood Unit 303 held regular memorial services upon learning of the deaths of any of its members — a time for old friends to share their grief, their best stories, and maybe a beer or two. But until Sunday, no celebrations of life had happened at the hall since summer of 2019. Since then, almost all of the members have been touched by loss.

For the first time since the pandemic began, the club held a memorial service honouring their relatives, friends, and veterans who have died over the past two years. It was a reminder, as membership dwindles among volunteer-run veterans’ groups, of what tradition can do for friendships so close they feel like family.

As he prepared for the first-of-its-kind ceremony Sunday afternoon, president Duncan (Dunc) Anderson pulled out a list of 30 names. None of them died of COVID-19, but the indirect effects of the pandemic undoubtedly worsened some health conditions, Anderson said. Listed among them is his wife Joan, who died after suffering a massive stroke last week.

“I’ll do my grieving some other time,” Anderson, a self-described realist, said. Joan, a longtime member herself, was helping him plan this ceremony, and it’s what she would have wanted.

“At the end of the day, I will be happy I’ve done it; I’ll get some gratification out of it, but I’ll be happy it’s over because I think it’ll give some closure to a bunch of people and it’ll give closure to me.”

For a lot of the members, Anderson said, gathering at the hall is more important than holding a religious funeral service. It’s their first chance to grieve with friends, rather than just holding a virtual service or a funeral limited to only a select few family members.

“In a lot of cases, this is their real service. They do not have something at the church; they do not have something elsewhere.”

Coming to the Rockwood is like being welcomed by family, said Grant Kolodie and Curtis Kolodie. Three of their relatives died within four months this year.

“It’s a home,” said Curtis, who worked as a waiter at the hall when he was 18 and, pre-pandemic, still volunteered at meat draws.

About 75 fully vaccinated people attended Sunday’s service. Guy Nowe, sports rep for the club and a member for 45 years, greeted them at the downstairs door.

Nowe lost his mother Patricia in January. His father was one of six men who remortgaged their homes — to the chagrin of their wives — in the late 1960s in order to buy the building from the church and shape the hall into what it is today.

“I’m just watching people as they go by, having a look at all the stuff here, getting a lot of compliments on the way it’s set up, but I also see tears. It’s trying. It’s trying on all the people that are here,” Nowe said, observing placards displayed in honour of each of the deceased.

It meant a lot to speak about his mother in front of friends, and hear their memories of others who’ve recently died, Nowe said.

“Now, having everybody around here, we can actually talk to and (share) stories with old friends,” he said.

“I just think it’s a big relief on a lot of these people’s minds. Now we can share stuff. Because before, everything was bottled up inside.”

 

katie.may@freepress.mb.ca

Twitter: @thatkatiemay