Face-punching a Trumped-up charge

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 25/02/2016 (3538 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Is it just me, or is anyone else worried Donald Trump seems to have a little problem with impulse control?

I mean, what with the bombastic billionaire campaigning in hopes of becoming the leader of the most powerful nation on the planet.

I started wringing my hands over this issue the other day as I pounded away on my treadmill while simultaneously watching thrilling coverage of the Republican presidential front-runner on CNN.

So there was Trump, enjoying the adulation of the crowd at a campaign rally in Las Vegas Monday, when he noticed a protester was being hauled away by security officers.

Here’s the innermost thought Trump shared at that moment: “I’d like to punch him in the face, I tell ya!”

Before you accuse me of getting all judgmental, I will acknowledge most of us have had that exact same thought — I’d like to punch him in the face, I tell ya! — at some time in our lives.

The thing is, just because something pops into our eensy-beensy brains does not mean it automatically comes spilling out of our mouths, too.

So the Donald accused this guy of throwing punches before being escorted out, although none of the assembled media reported seeing the protester scuffling with security.

“Here’s a guy, throwing punches, nasty as hell, screaming at everything else, when we’re talking,” Trump told the cheering crowd. “The guards are very gentle with him. He’s walking out, like, big high-fives, smiling, laughing. I’d like to punch him in the face, I tell ya!”

The implication was clear: Donald Trump would be the kind of can-do president who would be brave enough to keep the rest of us safe by punching namby-pamby evil-doers square in the face and enjoy it, especially if that evildoer was securely locked in the arms of burly security officers at the time the punching became necessary.

Want to punch IS in the face, Donald? Sure, I get that. I’d want to get in a few shots, too. But punching some random guy chirping at you at a campaign rally? That’s where impulse control comes in.

The thing is, Trump wasn’t done there. He went on to pine for the good old days when punching people in the face was the accepted way of dealing with anyone stupid enough to have different views than you in public.

“Look, see, he’s smiling. See, he’s having a good time,” he said of the protester. “You know what I hate? There’s a guy, totally disruptive, throwing punches, we’re not allowed to punch back anymore. I love the old days. You know what they used to do to guys like that when they were in a place like this? They’d be carried out on a stretcher, folks. It’s true.”

Gutsy call, Trump. I mean, who among us does not long for the golden days when, if someone was annoying you while you were making the world safe for democracy, you could just leave their battered, bloodied body lying on a backroom floor?

I totally understand where Trump is coming from. The sad truth is, like the billionaire blowhard, I have long experienced problems with impulse control.

For instance, I will be driving in the car with my wife and some (bad word) jackwagon in another vehicle will cut us off, and I will wag my middle finger at the other motorist to indicate I think he’s No. 1, then I will bellow something along the lines of: “Hey, Mr. Poopy Head, you know what I’d like to do? I’d like to sit down and share my innermost feelings with you!”

I may be paraphrasing slightly here, but the point is my wife will invariably scold me for my lack of restraint. “You are an idiot,” she will helpfully point out while giving me that withering look all veteran husbands are familiar with.

So I could never be president of the United States.

This is partly because I am, in fact, a Canadian, but it is also partly because I lack impulse control. In my case, however, the worst thing that can happen when I give in to my impulses is I will snatch up a dozen chocolate bars while standing in the checkout aisle at Safeway.

You’d think it might give some U.S. voters pause when they ponder the prospects of having a president who, while dangling his finger over the button in the Oval Office, is also thinking: “I’d like to punch those Russkies in the face, I tell ya!”

This is not as big an issue on this side of the border. Our current prime minister did, in fact, hit a Conservative senator in the face, but it was during a charity boxing match.

As for Donald Trump, you know what I’d like to do? I’d really like to sit down and share my innermost feelings with him, I tell ya! Just like we used to do in the “good old days.” Please don’t tell my wife.

doug.speirs@freepress.mb.ca