Grieving mother to get high school diploma at age 57

Opinion

Fifty-seven-year-old Vivian Ketchum will walk across the stage in her cap and gown and accept her high school diploma on June 30.

She’s been working toward her diploma since last October.

“Last year, I applied for a really good job. I was qualified and had all the technical skills, except they wanted the transcript of a Grade 12,” she said.

Ketchum decided to look into getting her high school diploma. When she walked into the Winnipeg School Division offices, she wasn’t sure where it would lead, but a guidance councillor had her fill out forms.

“When I walked in I didn’t really think that I wanted to go, but then I began to think about my son and what I did to help him graduate — all the tutors, and all the effort to make sure he graduated,” she said. “If I could do that for him, I can do that for myself.”

Ketchum’s son Tyler died at age 24 in 2011. He has been her reason and inspiration to get her diploma.

Her son got sick around Thanksgiving in 2010.

“He says ‘mom I have a really awful headache,’ and I noticed that his eyes weren’t right,” she explained.

At the hospital, he was diagnosed with a brain tumour.

The prognosis wasn’t good. The cancer was aggressive, and Tyler spent the remainder of his life, just a few short months, in and out of the hospital. The last time he was home was early December 2010.

“He was laying on the couch and he says ‘mom,’ and I could tell from his tone of voice that we’re going to have to have that talk,” she said.

“I was on the floor, facing away from him and he said ‘mom, you know it’s happening’ and I said ‘yeah.’ I didn’t want him to see my face because I had started to cry.”

They began to plan for Tyler’s funeral, which was one of the hardest things Ketchum has had to do. During the conversation she mentioned to Tyler that she would cook for the funeral, to which he responded, ‘Don’t be silly, let my aunties do that.’

“Then he says to me, ‘Mom, you can’t grieve for me too long. I’ll be all right. Mom you’ve got to carry on, don’t wait for me forever.’ This is why when I remember that moment, and that inspiration of him, that I gotta carry on,” Ketchum said.

He died in March 2011. Tyler had dreamed of becoming a police officer. He had graduated from high school and was working as a security guard before he got sick.

“He was well on his way, and he had everything — everything — going for him and then he got…” Ketchum’s voice trailed off. “He is my inspiration.”

Ketchum is a gifted storyteller, who has a knack for micro-blogging on her social media feeds.

Over the past year, she shared her thoughts about school: funny or poignant stories about her experiences in class or with her teachers. She has even revealed her grades— which have been stellar.

Most recently Ketchum shared a candid graduation photo of herself taken with her cellphone (The professional ones aren’t in yet.) She is beaming in her cap and gown, holding a bouquet of roses and her son, Tyler’s baby moccasins close to her heart — a piece of him to help celebrate one of her proudest accomplishments.

The experience of being a mature student has been difficult, at times. Ketchum has struggled with poverty throughout her education endeavour. When she decided to return to school she had to choose between her studies or working full time.

“I chose my classes because I enjoyed them and I felt like something was happening there,” she said.

She had a part-time, minimum-wage job for awhile, but she was let go and soon started to fall behind on her rent and her bills. So she started a GoFundMe to help her achieve her dream of graduating. She raised a little bit of money, but every month brought a new worry. Still, she managed to pay her rent. She said the rent money often came from unexpected places just before it was due.

“It’s been really weird because I am actually doing it. I’ve tried going to school before and I’ve always failed because of the structured environment. I have a hard time focusing on things and when I get overwhelmed, I get frustrated and I walk away,” she said,

Learning from home was a big factor in her success.

“This time I was in a supportive environment. The teachers were really great, the class sizes were really small, and when we turned to remote learning, the classes were recorded so I could always go back when there was something I didn’t understand. I didn’t fall behind because I could look at it at my own speed.”

Once she officially graduates, Ketchum says she hopes she’d like to train to be a librarian.

“There’s a lot of storytellers out there and I want to be looking after their words,” she said.

Before that, she needs to get back on her feet financially. She has been looking into scholarships and bursaries. She wasn’t eligible last year because most of them were for students attending post-secondary institutions and not mature high school students.

“It’s been amazing. It’s been awesome, and I’m looking forward to going up on that stage,” she said. “I didn’t realize there was makeup, hair, gowns, ceremony. I didn’t know all this. Basically I don’t know how to celebrate when I succeed at something because I haven’t done it very often.”

shelley.cook@freepress.mb.ca

Twitter @ShelleyACook