Stay away from the thief of joy

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 15/03/2021 (1829 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

I have this bad habit of scrolling through social media and comparing myself with other people. I know logically that I am comparing my everyday experience with someone else’s manicured highlight reel, but that doesn’t stop me from doing it, and sometimes feeling lesser for it.

To be honest, I’ve never compared myself with someone else and felt good about it. Even in the instances where I thought what I had going on was better than someone else, it has never been something that has made me feel like a better person. On the contrary, it’s a dirty, filthy habit that I can’t seem to shake and sometimes robs me of joy.

The thing is, I have a great life. It’s gritty, it’s messy, and it’s often chaotic. None of it’s perfect, but it’s actually pretty good, and I am lucky. I also am aware I have many privileges that I put on display on my social-media accounts that other people may or may not be comparing themselves and their lives to. My highlight reel is lovely and carefully showcases a piece of my life that is extremely polished.

The things we see online aren’t real, and if they are, they have hints and sometimes gobs of embellishments. We have the tools at our fingertips to easily edit our faces, blurring out any sign of a pore or line and creating a distorted version of ourselves that society deems better or prettier. The filters on our social-media accounts have become so standard that it becomes a given that pictures we post online will be filtered and edited.

Most of my candid shots have filters slapped on them that smooth my skin, add a highlight to my cheeks and a sparkle in my eye, and plumpen my lips. My body is usually posed in a way that is most flattering to my frame — in fact, I’ve gotten so good at angling my body that it doesn’t even look like my own anymore. Everything on the screen is so manicured that I can’t even compare my own life to the pristine projections that I post online. It’s an illusion, and it goes beyond my body. Pictures of my house and surroundings are always cropped and angled to eliminate mess. I often crop out laundry hampers full of clean clothes in the middle of living room, and surfaces piled with stuff, because they don’t fit the esthetic. I’ve even positioned my kids in a clean corner of my messy house to take a cute photo of them.

This is the Insta-culture. We only want to post and consume what’s beautiful. That’s the whole point. It’s just like when we were kids, trading stickers or Pokémon cards, only now we’re trading dazzling pictures and portrayals of our lives.

Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy social media, and I think Instagram is beautiful to look at. I use the app often, and I love posting my own filtered photos and flattering selfies. I love to share the most exquisite moments of my life, and I probably won’t stop doing it. I need to be more mindful about how I do it and how I present myself both in life and online. My three girls are always watching.

We are enough. We have enough, and I am grateful for that. I shouldn’t be envious of others. I am robbing myself of joy.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

shelley.cook@freepress.mb.ca

Twitter: @ShelleyACook