No sour grapes; just have fun

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 20/09/2009 (5888 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

OK, here’s the scene: You’ve just moved to Winnipeg to start a new job. It’s your first day in a strange new house, which is stuffed floor to ceiling with cardboard boxes packed with all your belongings.

Your two dogs and one cat are confused, you haven’t met any of your neighbours and when you peek out the back window you see three overweight, middle-aged men in Animal House-style Roman togas begging you to come outside so you can have your picture taken while they hold you in the air and dangle clusters of grapes in your mouth.

So, here’s the question: What do you do?

The answer: If you’re what we call “normal,” you call the police and hide in the closet. But if you’re a firecracker named Frazier — and you’ve just moved back from Calgary to be reunited with your pals Beau and Tom on their hugely popular morning show on 99.9 BOB FM — you jump into your own toga (an elegant tablecloth in a previous life) and dive right in.

That’s pretty much how it went Friday afternoon when my friend, Tom, myself and Joe Grande, owner of Mona Lisa Ristorante, squeezed into ill-fitting bedsheets, threw a box of grapes in my trunk and drove to Frazier’s new riverbank home in Fort Garry.

The genius concept here was to take a picture of the four of us (yes, the one above today’s column) to promote something called Stomp For Human Rights, a grape-stomping, wine-drinking Italian festival being held at Joe’s Corydon Avenue landmark on Saturday, Sept. 26, to raise money for the Canadian Museum for Human Rights.

Joe, who can be extremely persuasive, talked Tom and me and Frazier into being the emcees for an evening of great food and great entertainment — the highlight of which will be customers showing their support for human rights by taking off their shoes, climbing into a giant barrel and churning grapes into wine with their bare feet.

Call me a crusading journalist with fire in his eyes and a bad case of toe fungus, but I definitely think you are going to want to buy a lot of tickets for this festival. Togas are optional.

On Friday, as our togas flapped in the breeze and curious neighbours peered out from behind their curtains, I asked Frazier if she’d feel comfortable climbing into a barrel with a bunch of strangers.

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME???” she squealed, “I’ll stomp! YOU BETCHA! Who needs a manicure and pedicure?”

So there’s that to look forward to. I should explain here that Joe is a veteran when it comes to offbeat charity events. At two Cut for the Cure events, they raised about $69,000 to fight cancer by auctioning off every hair — and there are a LOT of them — on Joe’s body.

Sitting on the patio outside his restaurant, inhaling a plate of Italian sausage and eggs while jumping up to hug and kiss anyone who came within 20 feet, Joe said he’s always dreamed of holding a grape stomp.

“To me, it’s special because it brings me back to my homeland,” he sighed. “When I was six, I was in Italy and my uncle picked me up and put me in a huge cement tub for stomping grapes — the community brings all their grapes and puts them together — he stuck me in there and I was pretty short, so the grapes came up to here (by which he means his neck) and I fell backwards and my uncle had to pull me out before I drowned.

“That was the last time I stomped. I’ve always wanted to do it again. I’m going to stomp with my three daughters.”

As he drains a teeny-tiny cup of espresso in one gulp, it becomes obvious Joe is equally passionate about the long-awaited Canadian Museum for Human Rights.

“I think it’s a really cool building,” he beams. “A museum like that in Winnipeg is spectacular. I feel good about being part of that. I really do.”

If grape stomping, an Italian feast, live music, a wine garden and the sight of Tom and Frazier and myself in skimpy togas isn’t enough, you can also try your hand at the latest sporting sensation — cheese rolling, which is essentially curling with chunks of cheese.

“It’s what they used to do in Italian towns when they didn’t have enough money to buy bocce balls,” Joe points out. “They used cheese wheels instead. If you keep them long enough, they get so hard you can drop them on concrete and they won’t break.”

What’s more, there will be volunteers to wash your feet before and after you stomp. Best of all, they’re talking about leaving me and Tom and Frazier in the barrel in the dark overnight.

They hope we’ll mature into something you wouldn’t mind having dinner with.

doug.speirs@freepress.mb.ca

A few foot notes

Here’s your chance to stomp out your stress and help build your community at the same time.

“ö Tickets for Stomp For Human Rights are $150 a person, with all proceeds going to the Canadian Museum for Human Rights. You’ll get a tax receipt for $100.

“ö You can reserve a spot by calling Mona Lisa Ristorante at 488-3687. The fun starts at 6 p.m. Saturday, Sept. 26, and if you’re going to the football game and can’t make it until after 10 p.m., you can get in by leaving a donation at the door. That would be just grape.