The BIG guns

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 29/04/2011 (5255 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

The snow is gone. It must be summer.

Hey, as far as cinema is concerned, the summer season pretty much kicks off in spring, and if you don’t believe it, let’s discuss after you see Fast Five in theatres today, starring Vin Diesel and a supporting cast of hot cars.

If Hollywood seems especially eager to get the summer beach party started, it’s because 2011 has been a slow starter. North American box office plunged to a 20-year low in January and in February dipped 13 per cent behind 2010, with the underperforming malaise continuing into March.

The upcoming season is dotted here and there with original movies, but to resuscitate this languishing year, the studios are looking to dependable franchises, sexy R-rated comedies, and of course…

 

COMIC BOOK HEROES

Given that Marvel Comics have delivered box office gold in the form of Spider-Man, Iron Man, and X-Men, it should not be a surprise to see the big-screen debuts of two major Marvel heroes. First up to bat — er, hammer — is Thor (May 6), the sour-puss Norse God (Chris Hemsworth) obliged to do time on Earth after grumpy dad Odin (Anthony Hopkins) exiles his errant godling from Asgard. Fresh from her Oscar win, Natalie Portman plays the designated damsel.

Marvel’s most retro, star-spangled hero takes the comic-book realm back to the Second World War in Captain America: The First Avenger (July 22), wherein a skinny weakling (Chris Evans, formerly Johnny Storm, a.k.a. The Torch, in Fantastic Four) turns into a muscle-bound hero.

Marvel’s competitor DC weighs in with Green Lantern (June 17), starring Ryan Reynolds as a scientist who inherits an all-powerful ring from a dying alien interplanetary guardian.

 

CALL ME RELIABLE

 

Box office-wise, the tent-pole movie of the summer is liable to be Transformers: Dark of the Moon (July 1), the third, noisy entry in Michael Bay’s inexplicably popular series, once again pitting former Disney kid Shia LaBeouf against giant robots. (Not reappearing this time: Megan Fox, who is now free from having to pose like a calendar model in a live-action movie.)

For audiences who actually care about quaint notions of character and story, the most eagerly awaited franchise film of the year is Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II (July 15), the final, final chapter in the series, returning the action to Hogwarts School as Harry (Daniel Radcliffe) and Voldemort (Ralph Fiennes) have their final showdown.

We had kind of hoped we’d seen the last of Capt. Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) after the senseless last instalment of Disney’s lucrative pirate franchise. But given that director Rob Marshall (Chicago) has taken control of the rudder, we’re hoping for a bit of narrative sense from Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (May 20) co-starring fetching female lady pirate Penélope Cruz.

With the apparent end to the Saw franchise, we still have Final Destination 5 (Aug. 12) as a source of gory death — in glorious 3-D.

BOYS BEHAVING BADLY

 

The Hangover Part II (May 26) moves the action from Vegas to Bangkok, where the first film’s quartet of partying adventurers (Zach Galifianakis, Ed Helm, Bradley Cooper and Justin Bartha) endure another night of substance abuse and amnesia on the eve of Helm’s wedding.

More criminally inclined bad behaviour results when three guys (Jason Bateman, Jason Sudeikis and Charlie Day) conspire to kill their horrible bosses in Horrible Bosses (July 8), a dark, comic variation of Strangers on a Train co-starring Kevin Spacey, Colin Farrell, and Jennifer Aniston as the unlucky employers.

The Change-Up (Aug. 5) stars comedy heavy hitters Jason Bateman and Ryan Reynolds as, respectively, a bored family man and a serial Lothario. They accidentally switch bodies while peeing in a magic fountain. If that brings back unpleasant memories of the tortuous high-concept comedy When In Rome, be assured: this is going to be a lot raunchier.

Our Idiot Brother (Aug. 26) stars Paul Rudd as a stoner who, fresh from doing time for selling pot to a uniformed police officer, is obliged to go live with his mom and endure the disapproval of unsympathetic sisters. This Sundance hit co-stars Zooey Deschanel, Elizabeth Banks and Emily Mortimer.

The director of Zombieland, Ruben Fleischer, brings us 30 Minutes or Less (Aug. 12). Jesse Eisenberg and Aziz Ansari (the hilarious dude from Parks and Recreation) go into crisis mode when a criminal sub-mastermind (Danny McBride) outfits Eisenberg with a time-bomb vest and instructs him to go rob a bank.

 

REBOOTY CALL

 

The fifth X-Men movie returns to the school that started all the mutant action with X-Men: First

 

Class (June 3), starring James McAvoy as the young Prof. Xavier, a guy who joins his buddy Erik Lehnsherr, a.k.a. the future supervillain Magneto (Michael Fassbender), in establishing a school for mutants during the Cuban Missile Crisis.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes (Aug. 5) hopes we’ll forget all about Tim Burton’s misbegotten remake of Planet of the Apes, and proceed directly to the beginning with this tale of a scientist (James Franco) who inadvertently helps initiate an evolutionary leap in apes that results in simian revolution.

Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World (Aug. 19) gives us all new kid heroes facing a deadly time-controlling menace (Jeremy Piven) alongside their hot spy mom (Jessica Alba) and clueless dad (Joel McHale).

For more déjà vu, check out Fright Night (Aug. 19), starring Colin Farrell as a friendly neighbourhood vampire uncovered by a hapless high school senior (Anton Yelchin). The kid enlists a TV personality (David Tennant) to fight the immortal suburban evil.

Another retooled SSRq80s movie released the very same day is Conan the Barbarian, starring Jason Momoa in the role that gave Arnold Schwarzenegger an important foothold in Hollywood.

 

ORIGINALS

 

There’s nothing new about vampires and the vampire hunters, but the age-old conflict gets a futuristic comic-book twist with Priest (May 13), starring Paul Bettany as a holy warrior who must defy the religious establishment to carry on his mission of wasting bloodsuckers.

By contrast, Cowboys & Aliens (June 29) travels to the past, where an amnesiac cowboy (Daniel Craig) awakens to find himself armed with a weapon somewhat more technically advanced than the average Colt revolver. Erstwhile Han Solo Harrison Ford co-stars as a disgruntled rancher unprepared for extraterrestrial battle.

Eccentric filmmaker Terrence Malick explores the deeper meanings of family relationships with The Tree of Life (June), starring Brad Pitt.

Tom Hanks teamed with Winnipeg’s own Nia Vardalos to script the romantic comedy Larry Crowne (July 1), starring Hanks as a laid-off worker who goes back to school and falls for his disillusioned prof (Julia Roberts).

The trailer for the J.J. Abrams thriller Super 8 (June 10) resembles SSRq80s Steven Spielberg, as a group of kids wrapped up in a summer moviemaking project stumble upon a real-life monster extraterrestrial.

The Help (Aug. 12) stars Emma Stone as a young journalist who writes an expose of segregated southern society in the SSRq60s with the help of the women who work as domestic help.

 

MISS-BEHAVING

 

Is there a female audience for the rude, déclassé comedy of The Hangover and its ilk? Hollywood is hoping there is, which is why you’ll see Bridesmaids (May 13), a female Hangover variant starring Saturday Night Live’s Kristen Wiig.

Cameron Diaz gets down with her bad self as the titular Bad Teacher (June 24) playing a pot-smoking, couldn’t-care-less instructor compelled to get her act together when she sees a potential sugar daddy in the new substitute teacher (played, curiously enough, by Diaz’s ex-boyfriend, Justin Timberlake).

Ginnifer Goodwin is comparatively poised as the maid of honour who sleeps with the would-be groom of her best friend (the inevitable Kate Hudson) in Something Borrowed (May 6).

Mila Kunis decides to take her friendship with Justin Timberlake to the amorous next level in the eerily familiar Friends with Benefits (July 22).

Julianne Moore plays a long-married woman who cheats on her hubby (Steve Carell) and asks for a divorce in Crazy, Stupid, Love (July 29), also starring Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone.

 

GETTING JUVENILE

 

After failing to reach the kiddie audience with Gulliver’s Travels, Jack Black retreats to his furry standby in Kung Fu Panda 2 (May 26).

Jim Carrey was once set to star with fish in a remake of The Incredible Mr. Limpet. Instead, he opted to team with fish-eaters in Mr. Popper’s Penguins (June 17), playing a businessman who inherits a half-dozen of the flightless birds and transforms his apartment into a home away from Antarctic home.

Even the least Pixar movie deserves a sequel. At least, that appears to be the reasoning behind Cars 2 (June 24), in which the characters of the first film are caught up in the world of international automotive espionage.

Disney gets old-school with the sweet-as-honey Winnie the Pooh (July 15), an innocent, toddler-friendly return to A.A. Milne basics.

In contrast, no one asked for a film version of The Smurfs (July 29), but the little blue elfin creatures are here anyway, on a visit to Manhattan, where presumably they’ll have to keep an eye out for rats.

randall.king@freepress.mb.ca