Baldy Mountain high

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 27/06/2020 (2111 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Attention: Manitoba has hills. OK, folks can see downtown Winnipeg from near Stonewall, over 30 kilometres away. But the whole province is stereotyped as flat. The north is rocky boreal. The south offers stunning hills.

Don’t believe folks who claim Winnipeg has no hill. It’s garbage. Seventy years of it. City Hall tried calling it Westview Park. Peggers recently insisted on a sign reading: Garbage Hill. It’s modest and only seen from Valour Community Centre — but the city became more adorably odd.

Manitoba has ski hills. Eight of them. Falcon Ridge Ski Slopes advertises: Avalanche-free since 1959. Feel lucky you didn’t ski there prior to 1959.

At Riding Mountain, a 10-km hike reportedly delivers a wonderful view from Little Bald Hill. It looks like the back of my head in four years.

I’m more suited to the nearby hike east of Polonia at Rosedale Farm Trail with mowed grass and beautiful pines. I cherish its lookout to half the province even on a rainy day. But here’s a hiking tip: back at the vehicle, don’t joke to your soaked wife who is battling the wood ticks, “Along the way there, did you happen to see the, um… car keys?”

Walk the Brandon Hills, or drive into the compelling Tiger Hills. Treherne bills itself as Gateway to the Tiger Hills. Its symbol is, yes, the Bengal tiger.

I’ve heard about 50-metre-high eskers at Neultin Lake Provincial Park. Closer, find the pretty Arrow River Hill eskers, apparently Canada’s 9,832nd highest peak. Where are the T-shirts? They’re between Hamiota and Miniota. Don’t doubt it one iota. See the biota.

Pilot Mound can be seen for 26 km. The last stand of the Sioux on British territory took place on the slopes of the mound in 1854.

Manitoba’s tallest point is Baldy Mountain. Margie and I decided to take it on. I excitedly told our plan to neighbours. I told folks at Pollock’s Hardware. I told Jordan at the LC, “This might be the last you see of me.” He assured, “I have faith in you!”

We packed protein bars and water. It was a hot day to scale a rock face. The road to Baldy Mountain ended in a parking lot among the trees. I saw a building or two and a wooden tower. I said, “I think the trail to the top is over there,” pointing to a sign.

Margie replied, “I think this is it. This IS the top.”

“No way, you kidding? We didn’t drive up anything!”

She insisted, “But there’s the viewing tower, right there.”

Sure enough, we scaled the peak, and didn’t know. We did it!

The long road gently climbs the Duck Mountains so that, poof, you’re atop Baldy Mountain.

I did avoid the neighbourhood for a while.

Despite respectable hills, let’s admit it, Manitoba’s highest elevation is so short it needs a viewing tower.

Manitoba is better at river valleys.

Here’s a family scenario in western Manitoba: you’re driving on and on across level fields, ho-hum, when an unfamiliar yellow sign shows a truck aimed 45 degrees down. What?

You yell, “Hey, kids, we’re gonna die!”

Downward into a beautiful valley, you exclaim, “That’s where to build a house. There. No, there!”

The kids yell, “Watch the road, Dad! Daaad!”

Margie says, “A house, with sheep. Right there! Ooo.”

No houses are here because Tobans don’t build much in valleys, God knows why. Perhaps spring torrents. Two minutes later you’re up the other side driving on and on across level fields — ho-hum.

Wonderful valleys nestle charming towns, like Minnedosa. At Wawanesa’s lookout over the Souris River valley the sign says, “Note the work of the river and related underground water system.” I looked hard. Margie too. I guess we picked a day you couldn’t see underground.

Discover Manitoba’s endearing Clearwater Skyway, not to be too confused with Clearwater’s Sunshine Skyway over Tampa Bay. When Uncle Ian drove Auntie Joyce over that, she screamed the whole way. At enticing Clearwater, Manitoba, take the hairpin curve off the prairie into the village to where the railway left its bridge high over a creek. Stroll the span. Propose. Sing O Canada.

Overlooking attractive Pelican Lake and the valley, enjoy Ninette’s Hill for Looking. My parents met at the TB sanitorium there, and I suspect the spot wasn’t just for looking.

The best way to experience the enchanting Pembina Valley is with Hywire Zip Line Adventures. Margie started by hanging tight to her rope — erect, horrified, bug-eyed. As she careened off the platform I heard a nervous laugh, maybe a toot. Or was that me?

By the last zip, she yelped, laughed, kicked — upside down, backward, inside out, with photos soon emailed to everyone in her phone. She got so keyed up, she texted, “I LOVE bungee jumping!”

And to prove Manitoba’s terrain once and for all, a sign north of Holland warns: Landslide Area. Near Inglis, there’s even landslide detection equipment.

Let’s get this flat thing over with.