Hello Wisconsin

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 26/02/2022 (1499 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

It’s the waterparks that lure you to Wisconsin Dells. This midwestern destination — just three hours southeast of Minneapolis — has more indoor and outdoor waterparks per capita than anywhere else on the planet. By the numbers, The Dells boasts more than 200 individual waterslides, the world’s largest indoor park, largest outdoor park and the largest combination of the two — meaning that there’s slip sliding fun to be had in any season.

But it’s everything else that keeps visitors coming back — over four million of them — to this community with 5,500 permanent residents. Amusement parks, thrill rides, haunted houses, arcades, tubing, shopping, exotic animals, fun food, golfing and magic shows easily keep vacationers happy between waterpark visits.

What to eat

If it’s the quintessential midwestern supper club you’re looking for, congratulations. You can do no better than the Del-Bar. Fans of Frank Lloyd Wright architecture will have no trouble spotting the clues left by one of his protégés on the original build. Settle into the wood wrapped bar for an Old Fashioned then move into the dining room for a baby iceberg wedge salad, bone-in ribeye and steamed spinach. Oysters here are a specialty of the house.

The shellacked wooden tables, plaid curtains and black and white prints will make you feel right at home at Paul Bunyan’s Northwoods Cook Shanty all-you-can-eat diner. Heaps of food comes to the table family style, in bowls and on platters. Load up your camp-style plate and simply flag down the always-smiling servers if anyone needs refills. Dessert is included, of course.

It’s always try-before-you buy at Swiss Maid Fudge. It’s been the policy since 1962 and seems to be working rather well. Who can resist homemade candy made in mammoth copper kettles, crafted before your eyes on sleek candy tables? Cashew brittle, Rocky Road fudge and a turtle pecan caramel apple are recommended.

Where to stay

Glacier Canyon Lodge Condominiums boast all the luxuries including granite counter tops and gas fireplaces and the two-bedroom unit has two balconies and two and a half baths—plenty of room for everyone. Stays include free admission to four indoor and four outdoor water parks along with convenient access to restaurants, mini golf, arcades, laser tag and zip lines at The Wilderness Resort. This is a sprawling complex so be prepared to make long walks after the water sliding is done.

Opt for cabin life in The Dells with a stay at The Nord Haus. The A-frame is surrounded by pines and includes a full kitchen and wood-burning stove. There’s a spiral staircase leading up to a spacious loft bedroom with fantastic views. It’s just one of the properties managed by Sand County Vacation Rentals that offers condos and cottages including the Frank Lloyd Wright designed Seth Peterson Cottage. Sadly, it’s booked until 2024.

What to do

In a race for fastest and scariest waterslide, the Point of No Return at Noah’s Ark Waterpark has a shot at both. Lie down, cross your arms, take a deep breath and surrender to the 10-storey waterslide drop that lasts a mere five seconds. Don’t feel bad if you have a change of heart once getting to the top — you won’t be alone.

At Kalahari Resort, the Master Blaster climbs nearly 180 metres into the air before dropping riders through a series of dips and hills. It’s half rollercoaster and half waterslide and truly all fun — once you stop screaming.

The mammoth wooden roller coaster carries the name Hades at Mt. Olympus Water & Theme Park and it’s plain to see why. Instead of crashing headlong into the concrete parking lot it appears to be headed for, the ride plunges into total darkness beneath the surface after coming off a 40-metre drop at 110 km/h. It’s pure evil.

To slow down your heart rate just a little, spend an afternoon with some exotic residents at Timbavati Wildlife Park. The Safari Train Ride winds through a pasture filled with ostrich, antelope and a rhinoceros. Visit with giraffes and camels, snap selfies with a baby kangaroo or a pride of lions.

It’s pure elegance at Sundara Spa and that’s why it consistently collects awards as one of America’s top wellness destinations. The signature body polish and massage uses ingredients indigenous to the Wisconsin Dells area. The Shirodhara massage concludes with a luxurious flow of therapeutic oils on the forehead to send you into a state beyond bliss. Continue your pampering on a lounger at the edge of the spa’s heated outdoor pools.

Originally used in the Second World War, the Dells Army Ducks now take visitors through the uplands and lowlands that make up The Dells. These amphibious support vehicles were used to transport troops and supplies from ship to shore. Now they give riders a chance to see the famous Sugar Bowl, Grotto Island and the Lost City of Newport. It’s an all-ages attraction, led by cheerful guides who point out whitetail deer lounging in the forests and warn vacationers of impending splashdowns. Another company, Original Wisconsin Ducks, offers a similar experience.

shel@shelzolkewich.com