Cruisin’ in Carman

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 03/09/2022 (1293 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

It’s the Boing-di-Boing.

Margie repeats, “Gord, it’s the Boyne River!”

That lovely meandering stream, bridges and boundless pathways, activity-filled parks, plus quality shops and eats characterize Carman, population 3,114 – Manitoba’s biggest town of its size.

We planned a golf weekend at Carman’s new 18-hole course. And, alongside Syl’s fabled drive-inn, a new Blue Crescent hotel beckoned — with a WATERSLIDE.

Entering town, a billboard celebrates hometown NHL goalie extraordinaire, Eddie Balfour, aka Eddie the Eagle, or Crazy Eddie.

It’s also the birthplace of prolific Hollywood actor, Jack Carson. During his peak years, Jack disappeared for weeks. His wife disclosed nothing — but thousands saw him, unknowingly. In the Clyde Beatty Circus. As a clown.

And Carman is home to sky-rocketing world pop sensation, Faouzia. Locals fondly recall her geniality and early performances. Another billboard, please.

A child’s birthday enlivened our hotel pool. Children jumping joyously in the hot tub peppered Margie, “Who’s mommy are you?” “Did you see me on the waterslide?” “I started daycare.” And “I gotta pee!” Margie counselled, “Go to the bathroom.” We never saw her go.

Next day, I tried the waterslide. It’s dark, fast, frightful. Thankfully the pool was unoccupied so no one heard the screams. I only endured whirling down maybe eight times.

Margie passed on golf; she hadn’t slept well. Pirate repeatedly waked her with tum-tum trouble, maybe from my Timbits and caramel popcorn treats. Or Margie generously sacrificed again winning each golf bet.

After buying a lucky golf shirt at Knockabouts boutique, I hit the links. Oldies sounded at every hole as staff finished vacuuming the course. Yes, Syl’s newly-opened Mini-Golf awaited.

The second hole cheated me of 6 strokes, excluding penalties. Why the obstacles? Signs warn “No cussin’” but I should have yelled “Fore!” It’s pure luck; a crapshoot.

Then: a hole-in-one! I credit my eying-up of the ball, relaxed wrists, knees bent just right.

Locals know how to waylay visits from snooping officials and loud distant relatives. They tell them, “We live on 2nd” — because Carman invented 2nd Street SE, NE, SW, NW, 2nd Avenue SE, SW, NW. 2nd Street SE runs east and south. 2nd Street SW has three segments. Or residents tell them “We live on 2nd Avenue NE” — because it’s missing.

Businesses generally close Sundays, even the LC. But merchants offer more than expected. The Co-op stocks imported licorice craved by a sizeable Dutch population. Carman Bakery offers a celebrated Dutch “Sweet Cinnamon Bread.” A Winkler couple certified, “We drive here for that!”

Maxine at Toews Printing and Office Supply offers creations by from 120 Manitoba artisans. Larry Stout’s Western and Workwear carries the best, although what’s best is Larry. How’d he sell me thick wool socks in 28 degrees? We bought impulsively at Vanderveen’s and Aubin’s terrific nurseries — and driving away, discovered a free hornet.

Home Hardware’s sign announces, “We are your local supplier of thingamajiggers, whatchamacallits, dohickeys and dodads.” Try Co-op Home Centre for gizmos, gadgets, and whatnots.

At Ed’s Tire, marvel at Manitoba’s towering Christmas tire tree. For the star: a shiny rim.

Among dealerships, I quizzed Carman Ford’s sales manager, Bob, about Steinbach calling itself “The Automobile City.” As a Carman car man, he replied, “It’s not fair!”

At Carman Golf and Curling Club, Margie suggested parking near the hilltop entrance in the many empty spots reserved for “senior citizens.” I replied, “That’s for old folks!” The clubhouse bustled with white-haired elders — like me, not one an admitted senior citizen.

We relaxed on the deck near sculpted cedars, watching geese and golfers. Combining golf with curling ensures year-round activity and yummy meals.

I like Syl’s farmer sausage burger and Black Forest waffle sundae. We also enjoy McGee’s (slogan: “small town BIG FOOD”). Manitoba’s now-ubiquitous Chicken Chef is Carman-born. Residents also suggest the Tidbit, the Breakaway, and Big Willy’s — a memorable name.

We visited Crazy Lady’s Cafeteria. A former German comedian, Susi admits yelling at only two people. Is she crazy simply because she’s only open to 4 p.m.; 6 on Fridays?

We enjoyed her perfect pork tenderloin schnitzel and, for dessert, bienenstich. I gushed, “What’s in this?” Susi reported, “My big secret: orange peel and juice in the white cake.” Remember, it’s a big secret. And I observed, “You sell the largest collection of cookie cutters!” She answered, “I could order more, like a shape you’d see at bachelorette parties. But it’s a nice town.”

Carman does feel nice. At her Evensong gift shop, Michelle described how the community supports local efforts, including an arts council, museum, and farmers market. Plus, residents support efforts beyond, quilting hundreds of blankets in two months for Ukrainian refugees.

I asked a fellow watering at his neighbour’s memorial bench what he likes about Carman. Andy explained, “Walking down the street, everyone says ‘Good day!’ even if they don’t know you.” We indeed encountered waves, smiles, hellos — but likely BECAUSE they don’t know me.

Folks enthuse about production on Carman’s second Hallmark movie, Christmas Therapy. After enjoying cathartic Carman, more fitting would be All-Year Therapy.

Let’s hope Ed’s tire tree plays a starring role.

gordmackintosh9@gmail.com