Escape to Altona

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This article was published 09/03/2024 (915 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

I told family, “This winter, it’s not Barcelona, Verona, even Daytona. Nope. It’s Altona!”

A Funky Menno lured me back. That’s the pizza from Altona’s Pizza Haven featuring — get this: schmaunt fat cream gravy, farmer sausage crumbles, ham, cheeses, and jalapenos with salsa.

But weekending 60 minutes outside Winnipeg wasn’t just for pizza. Altona’s Winter Carnival and exploring beckoned.

A buzzer in the Altona Hotel summons someone who staffs the office, vendor, bar, and maybe the arena. Time-zone wall clocks indicate roughly 8, 10 and 5 o’clock. They’re for Grand Forks, Altona, and Winnipeg. Cheerful help soon arrived and explained the inexplicable, “It’s a conversation piece.”

We followed directions to room 37: “From this building go right, drive around to the right, go left into another building, turn right, then left, right, then right.” I thought we’d end back at the whimsical clocks, maybe Winnipeg. I later swung a left at a right to excite Margie. She said, “You’re getting older. I understand.”

Our $109 room was stylish and comfortable with views of a metres-high snow pile. Margie exclaimed, “The Rockies!” We treasure hotel getaways, near and far, with treats, reading, and strange TV remote controls we sometimes figure out before checkout.

Youth excitedly served the Winter Carnival’s breakfast. We met Mayor Schroeder and his wife. He proudly described Altona’s new sky-blue and yellow flag. Its stylized sunflower petals aren’t all the same, signifying Altona’s growing diversity. Voted Manitoba’s best municipal banner, I later looked up at the nice flag — and it waved!

Altona is growing beyond 2021’s census of 4,390. I asked what’s great about the town. Residents report: “The food.” “Immigration support.” “The amazing outdoor pool. But not right now.” “It’s a warm community.” Margie likewise remarked, “People are so pleasant.”

Aside from relishing Pizza Haven, in our hotel’s Grumpy’s Bar & Grill I asked, “Who here is Grumpy?” A server replied, “All I do is smile.” Another quipped, “I don’t even know the word.” Grumpy’s features perfect tender ribs and hand-cut fries, and a bar-hugging line of men known to insiders as “the three o’clockers.” Staff revealed, “With the right combination, they’re great.”

Ang’s Pizza & Bakery writes yummy specials on a chalkboard with puns like “Five ants rented an apartment with five other ants. Now they’re tenants.”

Oma’s Kitchen’s breakfasts include popular Mennonite crackles — seriously fried pork bits. The Menno Combo dinner includes white cottage cheese perogies and kielkje noodles smothered in schmaunt fat — resembling that snow pile. For a splash of colour, add pepper.

A restaurant mysteriously called “To The Z” serves, yes, crackles, “Dinky” breakfast combos, and enticing recipes they call “American-Mediterranean.” I inquired, “What does ‘To the Z’ mean?” The co-owner vaguely replied, “Toward our children, Zach and Zandro.”

Potpourri of Flavours presents Filipino dishes — and Lava Cheeseburgers. Called “legendary” by admirers, they’re loaded, adding BBQ sauce, bacon, coleslaw, enveloped in cheese sauce, and topped with two speared dynamite spring rolls. A resident joked, “Bring a paramedic!”

Main Street Market sells Mexican and Filipino foods, plus vintage collectibles. Despite efforts to reduce our knick-knacks, I snapped up a little brass bison. Margie asked “Why?” I explained, “For a very good reason, I’m really sure.” Some things you need.

Altona’s substantial — and North America’s first — MCC Gift and Thrift Shop buzzes with cart-pushing shoppers. Many speak German, making it hard to eavesdrop. Regarding volume, Low German makes it even harder.

A volunteer confirmed, “Some call it Altona’s Walmart.” Margie remarked, “It’s sure well-kept. All the clocks for sale are on time.” Along two walls, toques adorn 40 dummy heads with gazing eyes — shoplifting prevention. Hundreds of canning jars suggests many folks here grow their own — based on an attitude that says “Yes, we can!”

For our grandson, I got a ship in a bottle. $15. If I can just get the ship out. And I sought a beer glass. They cost several dollars. Here’s a tip: flower vases cost fifty cents. I bought a beaut, albeit with a hefty glass base. I considered a towering vase for Margie but it was better suited to gladiolas than Guinness.

Altona’s centrally-located mall houses Only Local. Discover creations by 126 vendors including fanciful ceramic creatures and toadstools, and pet bow-ties. I jested with the jolly owner, “For a guppy? A gerbil!”

Altona exhibits head-turning public art, including Van Gogh’s extraordinary seven-storey-high Sunflowers, although I do suspect it’s not an original. Superior recreation facilities include paved trails, disc golf, and Buffalo Creek Nature Park’s tobogganing, skating, and fishing pond.

With temperatures weakening pond ice, Carnival organizers cancelled outdoor activities, including Cardboard Toboggan Races. A Carnival Princess explained, “It’s too nice out.”

Near free hot chocolate, ice-cycling moved indoors to Altona’s Sunflower Gardens where, despite its name, the only plant is the ice plant. Nearby, children’s laughter resounded at games, face painting, and inflatables. I settled on a lively clown twisting balloons into purple wiener dogs. During the Candy Scramble, a four-year-old missed the rainfall of sweets so a girl handed him her lollipop. Overjoyed, he tossed it high.

Wonder at our province’s whimsy, feast on our flavours, feel our friendliness. Discover the mid-winter warmth of communities just like Altona.

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