Finding Fargo

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This article was published 06/04/2024 (541 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Fargo: Home of the Eager Beaver. Ruby! Tigalo. Big Bruce!

From the cult-classic film Fargo, discover its deadly woodchipper at the Visitor Center — with a protruding foot. Ride Ruby, Scheels’ indoor Ferris Wheel from Disneyland. Ponder Red River Zoo’s weird tiger-buffalo statue. At Newman Outdoor Field, find Big Bruce, the world’s largest wooden baseball bat — surely a big hit.

Fargo admits it’s quirky. The Visitors Bureau calls the city “North of Normal.” Plus, someone posted, “It’s north of Normal, Illinois.”

Fargo’s mall-and-motel-filled west side features Scheels’ mind-blowing store complete with those Ferris Wheel rides, mini-bowling, try-before-you-buy archery, and an animated shooting gallery. Nearby, enter a UFO to devour Alien Ears among vivid planets at Space Aliens Grill. Relish homemade delights from Sweet Dreams Confections. After all that, good luck settling children — or me.

Eastward, Wild Terra pours craft ciders including the favoured strawberry All Smiles in a converted horse barn. In a converted courthouse, Proof Artisan Distillers produces award-winning single malt American whiskey. Like in Scotland, it’s labelled “Glen Fargo.” In a converted warehouse, Pixeled Brewing promotes 60 classic arcade games. Frogger! Fargo Brewing concocts over 90 beers for rotating taps including Wood Chipper IPA — with a barbershop. It’s sip n’ snip.

And in a converted locomotive foundry, discover the brouhaha at Brewhalla. Called “a little weird world” by Drekker Brewery, folks with drinks and dogs wander 15 locally-owned vendors. Bark’n Biscuits dog bakery sells Pup Tart and Haagen Dawg treats. Unglued touts, “We’re like Etsy in real life.” Find kits to make fake cherry cakes. They’re “long-lasting.” Surveying candies, a grandma asked her granddaughter, “How ‘bout gettin’ these here Giant Bubble Gum Bottles?” She answered, “No.” Grandma replied, “Aw, come on, please!”

Drekker’s 30-plus beers include Flarndip and Narfle the Garthak. Try fruit-coloured sours. I ordered I Don’t Know No Snakes for the outdoor firepit where a Fargoan warming his backside suddenly leapt and hollered, “Ow!” — oddly not “Uffda!”

Above, Brewhalla’s funky hotel highlights cement floors, exposed pipes, ducts, and wiring, with mural art. Downtown’s refurbished and artsy Hotel Donaldson, aka “The HoDo,” provides welcoming refreshments and really soft pillows and beds. We like downtown’s new, also artsy, Jasper Hotel for floor-to-ceiling windows. We got a good price maybe due to its unique offering: our 13th floor. We live!

Fargo’s downtown rebounds with eclectic shops, eateries, and preserved art deco. Photogenic murals let passersby don angel wings or enter a Mario video game.

At Sandy’s Donuts, I agonized over a Dirt & Worms until picking the top-selling Blueberry. A student crammed in studies and a Blue Monster. As I sampled sage ice cream at Silver Lining Creamery, Margie — craving hot java — asked: “You have coffee?” The server replied, “Sure! In a cone?” Curious how coffee in a cone wouldn’t leak, I convinced Margie. They handed her a cone of coffee ice cream. I enjoyed the whole thing as we went for coffee.

Marge’s Diner, named for the Fargo movie’s police chief, serves popular Hangover Hashbrowns and Tater Tot Hotdish among over 200 unusual salt & pepper shakers. You betcha!

In a back lane, Roberts Alley houses Marge’s Bar in The Boiler Room, revealing frosted glass blocks in Broadway’s sidewalk above. Find the back door into upscale Mezzaluna. During Happyest Hour, Beer & Fish Company serves US$2.50 Busch Light in 16-ounce cans called “pounders.”

With cheap happy hour Guinness and an occasional Celtic band, Dempsey’s claims its Fargo’s authentic Irish pub. Blarney Stone claims exactly the same. With a Celtic playlist, it bestows extraordinary Shepherd’s Pie. A sign says “Let’s get this Paddy started.” Being two per cent Irish according to my DNA, it felt like coming home.

Given Fargo’s German and Scandinavian heritage, 1950’s-style Kroll’s Diner serves breakfast fleischkuechle — a deep-fried filled pastry. I went to hear staff pronounce fleischkuechle (fleh-shkeek-leh). I heard. I’ll return. Prairie Kitchen creates admired Swedish meatballs with pickles. Upstairs, Camp Lonetree’s rooftop features a winter firepit and plastic domes they call “igloos.” I asked an emerging customer, “Any oxygen in there?” He gasped. Then chuckled. We entered for a healthy dose of deep-fried Snickers.

We found BernBaum’s, a celebrated Norwegian-Jewish deli and, at Stabo, Ole and Lena jokebooks. Humour like this thrives: At a Sons of Norway meeting Ole won the door prize — a toilet brush. Days later, Lena asked how he liked it. Ole replied, “I’m goin’ back ta usin’ paper.”

At Sons of Norway’s Thursday Pie Day, I enjoyed cheesecake-like rommegrot. And the blueberry. And coconut cream. And their toilet brush. Plus, servers utter “Uffda!” Fargoans blurt “Uffda!” when they stub their toe, fart, or do anything — and exclaim it on street banners, T-shirts, hats, and mugs. Weird, eh?

Here’s more: Fargo neighbourhoods include Unicorn Park and Trollwood. Walk of Fame foot imprints include Bert and Ernie. And Barney.

Rough Cut Social’s axe throwing complements Giant Jenga and Stump — hit nails into a stump. El Zagal Golf Course offers summertime FootGolf — kick soccer balls into fairway holes.

At Moorhead’s DQ, behold the world’s biggest Dilly Bar. I suspect also the world’s biggest tongue depressor. On Flechtner Drive behind branches, a sign announces the world’s longest piece of seamless steel siding — 236 feet, nine inches. They nailed it.

Fargo — not far. Go!

gordmackintosh9@gmail.com