Chill out in Friendly Manitoba

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 13/06/2020 (1911 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

“For sure Manitoba is in the top 99 percentile of places — anywhere!”

That’s what a guy in a pub told me. A guy from Toronto, no less. Wow. But I believe it.

Manitoba is enjoying great reviews.

National Geographic says Winnipeg is one of the best places to visit on Earth. It notes the rinks at The Forks called “Arctic Glacier Winter Park.” Did the word glacier get folks looking around with ice tools, mountaineering boots, lederhosen?

With low expectations, Travel+Leisure magazine announced “The Next Great Food Destination is…Winnipeg?” Vancouver-based travel blogger, Sacha Devoretz, exclaims, “Winnipeg: Canada’s Most Exciting City?” Manitoba is the surprise. When it comes to places, it’s the Susan Boyle of destinations.

Airbnb then named Winnipeg to its list of “Top Trending Destinations.”

And 7-Eleven’s eye-catching website says, “We love Winnipeg!” It recently exclaimed, “Check out Winnipeg, the Slurpee capital of the world!” It says a place jacked up on sugar, moaning from brain freeze – despite warnings on each cup — is worth a look.

7-Eleven reports, “When it’s -40C outside, people are seen waiting for the bus, biking and skating with a Slurpee in hand.” Winnipeg, the coldest major city outside Mongolia, deserves bonus marks for the coldest city/Slurpee combo. And, of course, we’re waiting for the bus.

With 66,000 7-Elevens in 17 countries, competition is tough. Even in Manitoba, Slurpees compete with Slushies, Slushes, Slush Puppies, Chillers, Glaciers, Avalanches, Icees, Frosters, and Elkhorn’s Brain Freeze.

I asked a Sev employee why Manitoba rules. She pondered, then announced: “Because people here love Slurpees!” Ahh.

The Sev in Winnipeg’s Westwood neighbourhood reports the highest Slurpee sales. It’s on a street our playful city names “Slurpee Way.” Humbly, unknown, atop a cupboard behind the cashier, sits the Slurpee Trophy — ’Tobans’ holy grail.

I wonder if ’Tobans’ love of Slurpees explains their great creativity — we meld, mingle, and layer flavours and colours since age three, even earlier in Westwood.

July 11 is a big day especially in Manitoba. It’s Free Slurpee Day. Get it? 7/11. Tobans with teeth don’t know this.

A few years back on July 11 Tobans organized the world’s largest Slurpee Run. Health-conscious joggers ran 21 hours to each of Winnipeg’s 45 Sevs for a Slurpee, and ice for their hats, and pants. And a good pee. In 31C temps, three finished.

Doctors suggest kids get up to six teaspoons of sugar a day. A single large Slurpee delivers way more than that. The Sev’s helpful FAQ advises: Question: Can I have a Slurpee for breakfast? Answer: Yes. Makes one heck of a brunch, too.

Overheard at the Main Street Sev, a concerned mom said to her wee daughter: “That big Slurpee’s expensive. You’d better drink all that!”

On an unrelated note, in Manitoba’s next decade, diabetes is projected to rise 37 per cent. On Slurpee Way, how about a big sign saying “Caution.”

But, then again, the title.

As for other reviews about Manitoba, Lonely Planet named Manitoba to its list of Best Regions due to fantastic Churchill. This is Canada’s most extraordinary town.

As one of its 52 Places to Go in 2020, the New York Times listed Churchill.

And the Travel Lemming blog gave Manitoba its Emerging Destinations Top Choice Award for North America, urging travel to Churchill to “lock eyes with a wild polar bear.”

That’s a one-way ticket. Churchill is the Polar Bear Capital of the World.

The length of Manitoba’s northern coastline rivals that of a Maritime province. No Avonlea, but there’s Churchill, and York Factory. The Manitoba Riviera.

And it’s more than polar bears. Swim with belugas. They do the breast and back strokes up to your face. They actually sing. I bet some do a pretty good Raffi tune.

The area offers 250 bird species, colourful wildflowers and characters.

It’s said that Churchill is in the top three best places in the world to see the northern lights. So what if it’s No.3? And that sure beats Winnipeg’s nighttime police helicopter.

For those unable to travel to Manitoba’s Riviera, the world’s largest trilobite fossil, at 720 millimetres long, was moved down to Winnipeg. Also moved, Winnipeg’s zoo houses the world’s greatest polar bear exhibit, ironically called Journey to Churchill.

When I was conservation minister, the bears’ big tank sprung a leak. Its residents chewed the caulked joints. The director explained, “Bears eat seals.”

Our family caught the exhibit’s Zoo Chat. If you’re the listening type, avoid classes where the average age is two. A chat for sure. And I overheard daughter Dorothy quietly singing to herself. It was the Troggs’ song, Wild Thing.

Some ’Tobans think the travel writers are saying, “But don’t stay in Manitoba.”

But for those who both stray, and stay, Manitoba is the best province. World Slurpee Capital? Check. World Polar Bear Capital? Check. And that’s the least of it.

On a garage on Highway 9, an agitator sprayed, Honk If You’re Happy. I’m happy because I’m blessed and proud to be a ’Toban. Despite the taboo, I honk.

On Highway 9, I hope you honk. To paraphrase former MLA, Albert Vielfaure, “Tobans who aren’t proud should be ashamed.”

gordmackintosh@hotmail.com