Twin sisters causing unnecessary stress

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My older sisters were the lucky ones — the twins in the family. I was the singlet, another girl, born later. For the longest time, I felt like the afterthought. My sisters got more attention in their identical clothes, two-seater strollers with matching dolls, with their bikes and other toys.

At an early age I felt deprived of a play partner like my sisters had. I was always on the lookout for a twin for me. I sometimes found another girl who looked a bit like me, and I would convince her to wear her hair like mine and dress in the same colours, but she would soon get tired of it.

When I got a few years older, it took many visits to a psychologist to become convinced I could be happy as one of a kind. I’m still not entirely convinced.

My remaining problem is I still feel dull compared to my twin sisters, who get a lot of comments and attention in every group situation, even as adults.

I’m still avoiding a lot of parties where my sisters will be present together as “the stars.” I know it’s not their fault, and I do love my sisters. Help me please.

— Uncomfortable Singlet, South Winnipeg

Dear Singlet: When there’s a lot going on in a family situation, there’s hardly enough time or energy to look outside of it, but that’s where you’ll find your answers. You can’t be a twin in this lifetime, but you can find like-minded friends with a common interest in something. Then you’ll get some of the close companionship you feel you are missing.

That means making a list of what you really love or would like to learn, and getting more deeply involved in those things. That’s where you will find deeper friendships with like-minded people. It could be a sport, a band, a dance group, a choir, a church group, a charity you believe in, anything where people come together over something they really love to do and believe in.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My nervous husband now sleeps beside the baby monitor and dispenses me for feedings to the nursery when our baby boy — our first — even stirs. Half the time our little guy is already back into deeper sleep a few minutes later by the time I get there.

I know first-time daddy would like to put a bed in the nursery and sleep beside his baby, but I’m not sure if that is a good idea. What do you think?

— First Time Mama, Fort Garry

Dear First Time Mama: How much sleep are you getting now? Not enough? If your husband is sleeping near the baby, and that keeps the little one calmer, then you only need to come in for feedings when he actually wakes up and fusses. You might all be more rested then.

But if your husband is feeling so secure he sleeps too deeply, then you aren’t going to feel very secure yourself.

It requires experimentation, and the baby monitor left on, in case your husband is so relaxed he sleeps like a rock.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a problem in my apartment with a neighbour who just moved in. She works nights at a nearby bar and restaurant and comes home around 1 a.m. and puts on loud movies.

I have to be at work at 8 a.m. so I finally went over and asked her if she would turn it down. I didn’t exactly ask nicely, but she turned it around and asked me to come in for a visit. I did, and it turned into a great night.

Now I don’t know what I really want. Is she a girlfriend or just a sex buddy? Is she using me or am I using her? I don’t know. This isn’t going to end well because she’s not really my type, and she seems to be very enthusiastic about me. Please help.

— Stumbled on a Firecracker, West End

Dear Stumbled: If you want out, the time is now. It will hurt the lady less if you don’t continue than if she gets deeper into the emotional side of it.

It’s time to ask her how she feels about things, and leave it open like that. She may have other romantic interests and it’s just casual for her, or she may be falling for you.

Either situation is dangerous when you don’t feel the same way and you’re having sex with a person — that can stir up big emotions.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or write Miss Lonelyhearts at the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6.