Getting into neighbour’s thoughts a tango, not a hustle

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 06/02/2016 (3862 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m thrilled to see a female I know from some dance clubs has moved into my apartment block, but she doesn’t seem particularly happy to see me. Last night, I lay awake in my bedroom knowing she was sleeping, or whatever, with someone above me. I could hear a faint sound of blues music playing and it kept me awake half the night until she turned it off.

This morning, I saw Lady X out by our cars and said hello. She looked at me with blank eyes and said hello back. She obviously doesn’t recognize me from the bars because I’m in my winter clothes, I guess. She is a great dancer, so everybody knows her by sight. Should I try to get to know her, or would it just end up being a big mistake, living in the same apartment block? — Unsure How to Approach This, Winnipeg

Dear Unsure How to Approach: Here’s the tough truth, my friend. Love in the real world is where you find it. Some people meet at work, others meet on the bus and others meet at funerals, weddings or a working lunch. Nobody promises new relationships are going to be comfortable, handy or predictable. They may not provide the correct amount of distance right off the top — they can be too far or too near. New lovers’ jobs may not be compatible, nor their bank accounts, nor their religions, but urban people live in closer, mixed societies of many different races and colours now, and need to welcome the differences.

The remedy for your problem with this attractive woman who dances so well is to try to befriend her, not hustle her. There’s certainly no reason to shun each other, as privacy is over-rated in this city.

Next time you see her out by your vehicles, say hello and tell her where you’ve seen her and that you think she’s a great dancer. Offer to shovel her out next time it snows, no strings. Tell her to bang on your door or call you at such and such a number if she needs a hand. Hopefully, you have a card with your cell number on it, or you can scribble it out. Nobody will turn that offer down.

Be cheerful and fun every time you see her and invite her over for coffee. Take a chance, mister. As motivational speaker Steve Harvey says, “You’ve got to jump to be successful!’ That’s the only way to get something special.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I know my co-worker steals stuff. I know he has taken things out to his car from the work garage. Yesterday I mentioned it to him, and he said everybody does it. I said, “Well, I don’t, and I don’t believe everybody else does either.’ The next day I watched him like a hawk. He said, “Don’t worry. I’m not up to anything. I’ve quit borrowing, heh, heh.’ Then he gave me his 1,000-watt con-artist smile, the one he usually saves for the bosses. Do you think he’s scared enough to stop? — Suspicious Mind, Rural Manitoba 

Dear Suspicious Mind: Petty thieves enjoy their work, especially the challenge and the low overhead. He may stop for a bit, since he knows you’re onto him, but then he’ll find a different way, and probably get his working position moved away from your prying eyes.

Now you have to decide what you want to do about reporting it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m terrified to go to bed at night. I’m having bad dreams and I put off going to sleep. Do you believe in directing your dreams to what you want to dream about? I don’t think it can happen, but my girlfriend says she can do it occasionally, but can’t explain how. — Crazy Curious, Westwood

Dear Crazy Curious: I asked a 27-year-old Winnipegger, who has become an expert over the past 10 years. He said: “I am becoming a lighter sleeper over the years and transfer in and out of REM sleep a fair bit during the night. At those points, it’s easier to tell when a dream is beginning. Eventually I could see the signs. I can have a conscious dialogue with myself while the dream is happening. I know I’m dreaming. If something weird or unusual is happening, and I am almost awake, I can tell myself, ‘That’s not normal.’ I can stay where the dream was happening, usually able to make conscious choices not to experience these things, and for the most part I can change courses, get out of it, and do whatever else I want.

“I have had dreams where a group of people, including me, are being led somewhere to be shot, I’ll be afraid and think, ‘Holy, they’re going to kill us all, but if I jump over the ledge to that water I see over here, I know I’m not going to die,’ and above all I know for sure I won’t be hurt because I also know it isn’t real. I feel the emotions of the dream, but know it isn’t real, and if they shoot that gun at me, I’ll still wake up alive.’ He added he knows dream wishes don’t come true. “I know if you wish for a Lamborghini, there’s not a chance in hell you’re getting a Lamborghini in your dream.’

Do you have dreams where you are semi-conscious and can redirect them? Please write in at the address below and shed some light on this and how you work with it.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography