Canada gets an A when it comes to BS

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This article was published 04/05/2019 (2647 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Forgive me for bragging, but I am feeling just a little bit prouder these days about being a Canadian.

This profound surge of patriotism hit me a few days ago when I stumbled on news reports about a scientific study that concluded Canadians are world champions when it comes to talking about things we know nothing about.

In other words, when it comes to spreading BS, we’re No.1!

Q: Doesn’t that make you want to pour maple syrup all over yourself, suck down a plate of poutine, then stick your head out the window and shriek: “I AM CANADIAN!!!”

A: “Um…”

OK, before jumping to conclusions, perhaps you need a little more information so that you can talk knowledgeably about this topic, although being a Canadian, you apparently don’t actually need any expertise to pass yourself off as an expert, if you catch my scientific drift.

What you need to know is that in a paper entitled Bulls—-ers: Who Are They and What Do We Know about Their Lives, researchers at University College London and Australian Catholic University revealed that Canadians have a higher “proclivity to bulls—” than anyone else in the English-speaking world.

For their study purposes, they defined BS artists as “individuals who claim knowledge or expertise in an area where they actually have little experience or skill.” Just think about your uncle Bill when he starts blathering on about politics over Thanksgiving dinner and you’ll have a rough idea what these scientists are talking about.

According to the Washington Post — which, according to U.S. President Donald Trump, knows a thing or two about spreading BS — the researchers asked more than 40,000 people in nine countries — 15-year-old students taking an international assessment test — to rate their knowledge and ability on 16 math topics on a five-point scale ranging from “never heard of it” to “know it well, understand the topic.”

What the test subjects did not know is that three of these math topics — “proper numbers,” “subjunctive scaling” and “declarative fractions” — were complete fabrications. The students who claimed they were knowledgeable about these fake topics were rated higher on the BS index.

Some of the findings were not overly surprising, including: 1) Guys are much more likely than women to be BS artists; and 2) Rich people are more likely than poor people to master the fine art of blathering on about things they know nothing about.

“Our findings support the view that young men are, on average, bigger bulls—-ers than young women, and that socio-economically advantaged teenagers are more likely to be bulls—-ers than their disadvantaged peers,” the paper says, according to the Toronto Star.

But the finding that has me pumped up, the one that has me walking taller and puffing my chest out a bit more, is the fact that, when it comes to playing the expert without actually being one, no one does it better than Canada.

Notes the Washington Post: “North Americans, meanwhile, tend to slip into this behaviour more readily than English speakers in other parts of the globe. And if there were a world championship, as a true devotee might appreciate, the title would go to Canada, data show.”

In the study, Canada earned a BS index rating of 0.298, which put us slightly above our closest rival, the U.S., which had a BS rating of 0.252. At the other end of the scale, those nice people from Scotland were the least likely to pass off BS as the truth.

So, yes, according to science, Canadians are bigger BS artists than the people who live just south of our border, which is a little surprising in the sense their president just this past week made headlines around the world because the Washington Post Fact Checker reported he has uttered more than 10,000 false or misleading things since entering the White House.

The scientific point is, despite Trump spreading fertilizer faster than we in the Fake Media can record it, Canada still ranks higher than the U.S. for the sheer amount of BS spewing from our mouths, no doubt in both official languages.

I would like to put the blame on Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and everything he has said about the SNC-Lavalin affair, but then I would have to attempt to explain the SNC-Lavalin affair and, well, I’m no expert.

As a crusading newspaper columnist — which means I am a professional in the area of distributing you know what — I feel the bulk of the blame rests on you, the average, unassuming, overly polite, hockey-loving Canadian.

When it comes to talking out of their hats, hockey fans make politicians look like amateurs. Yes, I am talking to all you Winnipeg Jets and Toronto Maple Leafs fans who can spout reams of statistics and obscure analytics to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that your teams are the front-runners for the Stanley Cup in (fill in the date here).

Also, we Winnipeggers have to shoulder some of the blame for all the BS in this country. Hands up anyone who, with a straight face, has uttered the following weather-related phrase: “Yes, it’s cold, but it’s a dry cold.” If that statement doesn’t qualify as the scientific definition of bovine droppings, I don’t know what does.

The important thing is that, as a nation — one that gets all excited when it hears itself mentioned on CNN — we can put a positive spin on the fact we are the world’s finest purveyors of unintelligible blather.

Which means every one of us here in the True North Strong and Free can swell up with patriotic pride, because it has been scientifically proven that we’re full of it.

doug.speirs@freepress.mb.ca