Boyfriend’s name game is getting lame

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This article was published 16/08/2019 (2563 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My name is Charlotte — a perfectly good name — and my boyfriend thinks it’s funny to call me Charlie or Choclit or Lottie, which are all stupid nicknames I don’t want. His name is Bob so I started calling him Bobblehead or Boobie in self-defence. Bob says he’s being affectionate and I’m just being mean. I don’t know what to say back. He’s right, but then he started this fight. Help!

— Name-Calling Nastiness, St. Boniface

Dear Nastiness: Make an agreement to return to the names you prefer and just leave it at that.

Tell him he can call you Darling or Sweetheart if he wants to call you a pet name. Charlotte is a lovely name but a bit formal — particularly if you’re horizontal.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I work in a high-stress environment and my co-workers are very “bro-ish,” in that they love high-fives, actually say the word “bro” all the time and, what really bothers me, they yell at each other when they’re mad about something. They also love to catch each other making mistakes.

The stakes are really high at our workplace — big money to be made or lost — so I get the frustration, but I’m starting to lose my interest in working here. Should I tell them to cool it, and see if there’s any fallout from that? Or should I be the one to move on?

— Hitting the Boiling Point, Downtown

Dear Hitting: When you get to this point, you actively try to make it better, rather than sitting there and putting up with it. If that doesn’t seem to help, it’s time to do some secret shopping for other jobs because these days it’s wise not to leave most jobs without having another one.

Start looking for similar or better jobs, but also, if you have a yen to try something really different, look for those jobs, too. Until then, learn to do the private eye-roll, and go so far as to say in a level voice — loud enough to be heard — “It’s hard for everybody to work with yelling in the background.”

I gather your supervisors, if you have them, aren’t doing anything to make things better in the office. Do you have a human-resources department? It wouldn’t hurt to go talk to them unless they’re buddies with the boss. You have to know the inside politics of a place before you complain to anyone or hint you’re going to leave.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met my real mother over the weekend and I’m in shock. I know these things are happening a lot more in recent years and I thought it’d be a good idea to search for mine, and it wasn’t that hard because we were both searching. We went for coffee together and it was all right, but then my birth mother wanted to meet the person I consider my real mom, and I know my little mom well, and she’s not in for that kind of competition. And that’s what it would be, with both of them talking, because I can see where I got my competitive nature. I told my birth mother I’d ask my adoptive mother, but I don’t want to. Should I?

— Caught Between a Rock and a Hard Place, Selkirk

Dear Caught: I don’t think you should decide for your adoptive mother what she gets to do. Tell her it makes no difference to you, and that you think your birth mother seems a bit competitive.

Your adoptive mom may want to get a good look at her — I know I would — and maybe ask her a bunch of questions about herself and the birth father. You might not want to be around for that. In most cases, it’s better to know things about your background than not to know, but not always. It depends on the reasons your birth mother gave you up for adoption.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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