‘Woman of certain age’ can celebrate birthday her own way

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 17/08/2019 (2245 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m done with birthdays! I turn 62 this year, and enough is enough. I never enjoy getting taken out for them anyway, as I have enough money to go out any time I want. So, big deal.

Over the years I’ve gone along with friends and family, because I don’t want to hurt their feelings when they plan my party or make a reservation. Then, when I insist on no one buying presents, they ignore me and I get a dozen things I don’t need anyway. Plus, as the years advance, I don’t want the reminder. 

My birthday is coming up in September, and I’d really like to avoid another one without hurting their feelings. Am I just an ungrateful old grouch?

— Hating My Birthday Celebrations, Southdale

Dear Hating: Skip town if you hate your birthdays. Just go away on a fun holiday, and don’t come back for two weeks. You don’t need to tell strangers when you’re away that it’s your birthday. Keep your secret! 

See how you feel after a party-less birthday. After a year or two of this, you might wish someone cared enough about you to wish you a happy birthday. Or not! You might enjoy being in India or Japan or Australia, having another anonymous, adventurous birthday.

As for the feelings of your family and other people who care about you, don’t be so rude to them for wanting to give you what they believe everyone wants — a party or dinner. Then you do seem like an ungrateful old grouch. Just tell them you want to be blissfully away on your yearly birthday holiday. If they give you little gifts before you go, say thank you nicely. Gifts are symbols of love and don’t have to be useful or original. 

If you’re denying birthday celebrations to make yourself feel younger, you can start lying outrageously about your birthday number this year.

They use the expression in France “a woman of a certain age” for more mature women instead of using any number.

It’s your prerogative as a woman of a certain age to fudge the number — except when you’re going through customs. 

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Last week, a good friend of mine told me I was “gullible” because I believe everything a guy tells me. She didn’t mean it as a compliment. I think of myself as “innocent” or “naive,” but not gullible! 

I take people at face value, because I think everyone should be considered innocent until proven guilty. Yet the more I sit with it, the more I think she might have a point even though she basically called me stupid. 

I don’t want to become a bitter cougar like my mom. How do I stay open to love without being gullible, yet not become a cynic when things go wrong over and over again? I’m only 28!

— Call Me GIN (Gullible, Innocent, Naive)

Dear GIN: You’re actually unwise to believe everything a guy tells you, especially if he’s new, out with you, attracted to you and “on the make.” If something he says seems fishy, just say with an amused smile, “Oh, I’ll have to check out that piece of information!” If he thinks you’re smart enough to do that, he won’t feed you much more that isn’t true.  

Innocent is a fine word for babies and children, but when you become older and you’re “naive,” as in showing a lack of wisdom, judgment or experience, it’s not a good thing and it can land you in trouble.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a guy who has been to prison and find it really hard to find a girlfriend. I’ve been out for over a year and all the girls I talk to usually ask me what I’ve been up to for the past few years. Then I tell them and they usually find some excuse to take off. 

I’m getting really lonely. My crime was not violent — I was just in a bad place and stole some things. Is there any hope for a guy like me?

— Gentle Guy, Winnipeg

Dear Gentle Guy: This is a very difficult question, best answered by people who have gotten out of prison, stayed out and found a way to handle that kind of information when dating. I’d like to hear from those with a non-violent crime who have dealt with this successfully at the address below.  

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.