Drop the sex penalties and get serious

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This article was published 20/08/2019 (2565 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I caught my husband kissing another woman behind the garage at a barbecue. He claimed he was drunk, as some kind of defence.

I fined him a month without sex. His month was up on the weekend and he wouldn’t have sex with me. He said, “I’m doing just fine without you,” and gave me an evil look.

What does that mean? Is he referring to (self-stimulation) or maybe having another woman last month?

— Nervous, Windsor Park

Dear Nervous: Are you planning on withholding your body whenever you are angry to get even? How would you feel if you got “fined” with sexual cut-off for a month by your husband? Would you be grateful for being punished and shown the error of your ways? Not likely! It’s humiliating to accept punishment from a partner and the one punished feels no desire to be humble and do what they’re told. He may have had some sex outside the marriage, as he’s hinting, so you two are in a very dangerous place.

Take this into counselling to work it out. You’re both upset, and he’s extremely angry and belligerent. You need a strong referee for this potentially explosive discussion, which could end in a breakup if you don’t have a voice of reason in the room.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a big guy and my doctor always mentions my weight when I go in for visits. I recognize my weight is unhealthy, but it really puts me off that he thinks he needs to remind me every single time, and my blood pressure goes up just sitting in his office waiting for the lecture.

People always tell me it’s his job to keep pressure on me, but I can’t see reminding someone they’re overweight every single time you see them as part of a job description. I’m getting close to telling him off, but my wife thinks I’m being unreasonable. I feel my blood pressure shoot up every time I’m sitting there waiting for him, and steaming. I’m about 50 pounds overweight. What do you think?

— Big Guy, Winnipeg

Dear Big Guy: People who are bigger know very well they are bigger. Since you and your doctor have discussed your weight many times, and you’re severely annoyed with him, you clearly don’t have a working relationship and should search out a different doctor.

Meanwhile, check out the book Health at Every Size by Linda Bacon, who talks about all aspects of this issue. There’s a section on how to talk to your doctor and there’s even a letter to hand to doctors about the issue.

The book claims being fat is often not as unhealthy a problem as people are led to believe, and dieting itself may be causing some of the problems. Also, there’s no need to be weighed every single time you go to the doctor’s office as is the practice at some.

The worst issue is people who are at odds with their doctors often don’t go in with an ailment until it’s very late in the game.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My dad is a terrible driver and has racked up tons of speeding and parking tickets during my lifetime.

It turns out he might have his licence taken away.

I’m secretly happy, but my whole family is going along with his nonsense about how “poor dad is the victim” and that the government is trying to restrict his freedom.

I’m tired of pretending I agree, but my whole family is going to side with him if I tell him the truth like I’m dying to.

Should I?

— Family Truth Teller, Crescentwood

Dear Truth Teller: Manitoba Public Insurance officials will do what they feel they need to do, so just give dad your opinion, if you must, in a level and reasonable voice.

You don’t have to be crude and form a one-man cheering section if he’s actually losing his licence. Nor do you have to cave in and join the jeering section who are furious with the powers that be, who may be taking dad’s licence.

Your silence will be duly noted with the others, and your family won’t like it, but that’s OK. Just keep it low-key. You don’t need to lose your dad over this.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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