Nasty breakup ruins prepaid holiday — now what?

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This article was published 26/11/2019 (2470 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend and I purchased an all-inclusive sunspot holiday just before we started fighting, big time. I just discovered he’d been cheating on me a long time with a woman I know. I kicked him out and he’s now couch-surfing at her apartment. Just an expression — he’s no doubt in her bed.

I guess he’s trying to impress her now, because he had the nerve to phone and say he wants to take her on the holiday we were going to take, since I’m not going with him — or I could go alone. It would be freaky being down there alone, and I don’t know anyone to take.

My parents say I need him to buy out my side of the ticket and accommodations. Problem is, I can’t stand be in the same room for one minute without crying or yelling, and refuse to see the travel agent with him, to even see if we can get our money back.

Now he wants to take her with him! Why should that woman go on my trip with him and be sleeping in the room I paid half for?

God knows, he doesn’t have much money. I don’t want her dirty money in payback either. Worse still, I hate thinking about those two down there enjoying my holiday, which was my idea in the first place. — Going Nuts, Downtown

Going Nuts: Rather than sending your blood pressure through the roof, immediately go see your travel agent alone and see what can be done. Let’s hope you have some cancellation insurance.

It’d help greatly if you and your ex would both co-operate with this agent. This will not be the first time they have faced this problem.

Perhaps your ex may want to pay you out first and then change the name of his travelling partner. Demand the money in cash. He’s a dishonest kind of guy and cheques can bounce.

He’ll probably ask his new honey for half the money for the trip. It’d be fascinating to hear her response, since he’s already mooching off of her.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My son is in university out-of-province, taking a business degree. He has become so obnoxious. He used to be nice and fun to be around. Now all he does is brag and say rude things about how he wants to earn more money than I do.

When he was home for Thanksgiving, he said his mom and I just “never tried hard enough.” We gave that kid an amazing life. We weren’t wealthy, but he was our only child and we gave him our everything.

Now he’s hurting us, like it means nothing to him. How can we get him to get grounded and stop acting like an obnoxious elitist? — Hurt and Disappointed Dad

Dear Hurt and Disappointed: You spoiled him without realizing it. Giving a kid “your everything” comes from a place of love, but it’s a mistake.

Now this young man thinks he is the golden prince and you are his peasant parents, and he deserves to be served. He’s decided it’s your own fault that you have scrimped and saved to support him, which excuses him from guilt.

It’s time to unspoil your big baby. That involves cutting him off your hard-earned money and forcing him to get a part-time job and student loans to finish. That is your best hope of forcing him to become an adult who knows he has to work to earn what he wants.

He has no idea how hard it was for you parents to make the money to give to him. Let him find out before it’s too late.

The money he needs for tuition, books, food and a place to live will give him a shock. Too bad! Don’t let him move back to your home in Manitoba, to get free room and board, even if he has to stop and work a year.

Tell him he has to be totally on his own now, as you are “trying harder” to save for your retirement now. Then hold that line, folks.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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