Fiancée horrified by beer-league hockey fight

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This article was published 25/11/2019 (2492 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I play a lot of beer-league hockey and I recently got in a fight on the ice while my fiancée was watching.

Now she’s really upset with me, and is saying things like, “What if we have kids? Are you going to fight people then? Are you some kind of brute who needs to fight?”

I don’t know why she’s so upset. It’s not like hockey fights haven’t existed since the dawn of the sport. Of course I’m not going to fight people in front of our kids, and I don’t normally get into it on the ice, but this time the guy had hit me three times beyond the regular checking that happens in a game, and I lost it. How can I show her I’m not a savage?

— Not a Brute, East Kildonan

Dear Not a Brute: Underneath this concern about the future children is her worry you can be violent — period. She’s never seen you in this situation before, hitting another person. She probably hit a few people in her young life, especially if she had siblings. My brother John and I used to get into hitting exchanges (or pounding, as we called it), generally on the back. He always won, except I could yell louder and get him into trouble with the parental unit.

Your fiancée needs to know old-fashioned hockey is a stick-and-puck game crossed with boxing and wrestling.

What’s the fuss? If you brawled in bars, or with her, that would be worrisome, but to hit somebody in hockey after taking three cheap shots isn’t shocking.

Hitting a woman is a whole different situation. Hitting kids is no longer acceptable either.

As for having any kids with her, she probably won’t want them playing hockey. You’d best be prepared for soccer. Good luck with that fight.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend has a regular girls’ night every week, and I feel like her friends are toxic and starting to affect our relationship. Whenever we have a fight, I know she goes and tells them everything. Why? Because the past few times I’ve seen them, it’s been super awkward, and whenever she comes back, the whole next day with her is super awkward.

I feel like it’s not my place to tell her what to do. I just need some way of telling her I have a feeling I know what’s going on and it’s making me uncomfortable. What do I do?

— Bug Under the Microscope, Fort Rouge

Dear Bug: Say it straight out to your girlfriend, the way you just told me. If she sides with “the girls” and her right to tell them every intimate detail of your relationship, you’ve got to know she’s a natural confider and will be like this all her life. Other women just couldn’t do that. There will always be a third wheel in a relationship with her, and possibly more, if her intimate girl group is bigger. Do you really want that situation? How would she like it if you gave your buddies the blow-by-blow on your times with her?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: After many years of friendship, I sadly found out the friendship was one-sided. My friend had moved to another province to be with her long-distance boyfriend. We kept in touch and I supported her with her love problems.

Then, my sister passed away tragically. I understood that she couldn’t make the funeral. But then, I heard she was in town at the time. Should I let her know that I know she was in town? I want to wash my hands of her! I’m so hurt that I have not returned any of her calls. I may be Catholic, but I’ve had it.

— Done Enough Giving! St. Boniface

Dear Done Enough: She was using you for free counselling long-distance, and couldn’t even come to see you when she was in town and you were in need of friendship and comfort yourself. It’s a good time to wash your hands. Let her know why, and that you won’t be continuing to comfort her and help her through her love problems.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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