River Road revelations

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 16/10/2021 (1495 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Manitoba’s greatest riverside route meanders north of Winnipeg.

Some ’Tobans are fondly familiar with River Road Heritage Parkway but more should discover this pleasant escape.

With a leisurely 50 kilometre-per-hour speed limit for automobiles, or by cycling, the paved 10 kilometres beg day-trippers to admire the Red River’s ever-changing waters. It’s compelling, yet calming. Until Lockport, not one stop sign or traffic light!

Turning off Highway 9 onto 238, R&C Landscaping’s signs announce soil, sod, stones — and post holes. Say, “Load a bag of soil please, plus four nice holes.”

Enjoy the cuisine at Larters Golf Club. For breakfast, Margie’s meat lover’s skillet is huge. She asks server, Judy, “Got a box to take home?” I interrupt, “A shipping container?”

I choose the bacon Benedict. Chef Thomas Parry’s hollandaise is distinctive with a top-secret ingredient that cannot be divulged. Yes, the Chardonnay nails it. Oops.

River Road Provincial Park comprises six parcels, including attractive gardens behind Captain Kennedy House (impatiently awaiting repair). Storyboards let readers accompany a Métis family walking the route in 1845 — roughly the year my students think I was born.

Picnic tables and fishing spots abound. A chap named Rodl landed a catfish. He generously asked, “Would you like it?” Don’t hang around fishing holes like you’re hungry.

Among well-kept properties, sculptor Jake Goertzen’s iron bison always fools Margie. OK, me.

Stonemason Duncan McRae created the historic limestone buildings — Twin Oaks, St. Andrews Church and Rectory, Kennedy House. A plaque overlooking a marsh, once the stone’s quarry, calls him “a sturdy little hobbit of a man.” What gives? No round doors.

Scott House hangs on in ruins. Scott’s grandson says Scott built a tunnel from its cellar to a wooded creek at the river. We went searching. Margie rolled her eyes as I grabbed my flashlight.

The undergrowth made exploration challenging. I tumbled — with flair — but Margie missed it all, dang. We discovered cut limestone against the creek’s bank and imagined where a tunnel emerged. If any hollow cavity remains, I bet it’s found by surprise.

Parks Canada rebuilt St. Andrews Rectory stone by stone for a museum. Among exhibits is a “hair wreath” — flowers fashioned from hair of deceased family members. What hair was used from the bald guy?

Regional knowledge holds if you run backwards three times around St. Andrews’ churchyard at night, you’ll disappear. Signs helpfully prohibit trespassing after dusk.

We drove by before Sunday service. It oddly starts at 11:15 a.m. Mind you, until COVID-19, Winnipeg’s Grace Lutheran Church service began at 10:36 a.m.

I introduced myself to the welcoming Reverend Lanctot and asked about the legend. He was unaware. But a pleasant woman nearby, hearing my name, suggested I give it a go.

I do believe if running backwards here, you will trip, whack your think-tank and, indeed, disappear for weeks. That’s next best.

Reading about eerie activities, Margie waited late one evening as I warily patrolled outside St. Andrews’ stone fence gathering proof.

Suddenly I heard a high-pitched sound. From all around! Like crickets, but far more sinister.

Something darted behind a tombstone! Like a squirrel, but way more horrible.

I called to Margie, “I’m… OK!”

Lockport offers 10 good restaurants. With 460 residents, this must be Canada’s most eateries per capita. But two restaurants are the same. There’s Skinner’s and Skinner’s. Signage announces “Skinner’s: Turn right and then turn left.” Below, another announces “Skinner’s: Turn left and turn left again.”

Lockport is renowned for ice cream, as well as its hotdogs with the unique pork wieners of Winnipeg Old Country Sausage. The Half Moon claims “Canada’s best hotdogs.” Skinner’s claims “world famous hotdogs.” But Skinner’s is Canada’s longest-running hotdog stand. This is Lockpork.

The Half Moon sells the three-wiener Super Dog. Signs warn it “will be too much for some” — to avoid explosions, lawsuits.

Sisler High School teen Dante Mowat was first to order one on a Friday night — another three dog night. One dog tried to escape, but Dante maneuvered the package all in — with fries, pop, and chocolate-chip cookie dough ice cream — two giant scoops.

Lockport also serves beef specialties. Baron’s Meats & Deli makes a popular jerky. Seasonally, follow the aroma to Sonia’s Stand for cheeseburgers rivalling Manitoba’s best. Cute bun, great meat, sautéed onions and a secret sauce that, unlike with Larters, I refuse to unveil. But Cheez Whiz rules.

Lockport Grocery has plentiful liquor and food — and salted minnows. This bait stores longer, but when fish don’t bite, could be a lunch standby.

Discover beautiful Gunn’s Creek. Find the back road to the Red River Floodway outlet. Lockport Provincial Park provides 20 picnic tables amid interpretive signs celebrating 3,000 years of Indigenous occupation.

Lockport’s Caméré-style St. Andrews Lock and Dam operates alone in the world as pelicans and fishers compete near tumbling waters for trophy catfish and Manitoba’s special greenback walleye. Here is the Prairies’ only lock, and Manitoba’s biggest fish ladder — for the lucky fish with two feet.

Tip: On the bridge, don’t park for the view. With the construction, and honking, I refuse to do it anymore.

gordmackintosh@hotmail.com