Call out post-op gossip, but keep things civil

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 02/02/2023 (1284 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I had some “work” done on my face pre-COVID, and a person who is not my close friend, found out somehow about my facelift. Having no real facts, she built a false story about my surgery, got things wrong and then made the mistake of telling people.

She didn’t realize they were loyal friends of mine — and they quickly called me.

I know where she lives. I wanted to go over to her house and confront her with a slap in the face, but my best friend persuaded me not to. I don’t know what a civilized person would do, but I don’t feel very civilized right now. I need to do something!

— Embarrassed and Angry, River Heights

Dear Embarrassed and Angry: Give this woman a call and tell her you heard via the grapevine the details of your own plastic surgery!

Let her know she spoke out of turn to some loyal friends of yours. Then tell her she didn’t get some of the details right. Ask her if she has any questions she’d like to ask you, before she speaks to anyone else. That’s called a verbal slap. She will be in shock on the other end of the phone.

Wait as long as it takes for her to reply. She will probably try to deny it, or just hang up. Your last line, if you get a chance, should be: “I believe you owe me an apology, and I’ll be waiting for it.”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I believe my husband had a thing with a young woman at his work almost five years ago. She was giving him notes detailing fantasies involving him, and I discovered some.

My husband made the mistake of taking two notes home in his jacket pocket, which he hung in the hallway. When I couldn’t find my car keys that evening, I went looking for his spare ones, and found her fantasy notes in a buttoned front pocket.

I went crazy throwing things — the pain was so bad! There were a lot of tears, but he swore it was her fantasy to have him, and he hadn’t participated or even encouraged her. I chose to pretend to believe him, as part of me did not.

I asked him why he kept the notes. He didn’t have an answer quickly enough. I said it was obvious to me that he was attracted to her and the fantasies stroked his male ego!

She quit working there soon after, but she’d signed her unusual first name to the notes. I never forgot that name.

Recently, they were desperate for someone who does this woman’s type of specialized work, and that boss hired her back. I know because I phoned the shop yesterday, and this woman picked up the phone, saying her weird name. It was her! I just hung up and started crying. (To be fair, I should say my husband’s boss isn’t close to him, so I don’t think my husband was involved in bringing her back.)

My husband came home after work to see me red-eyed and falling apart. He admitted the woman was back, but he said in a deadly quiet voice, there was never anything between them, she’s married now and they “desperately need her special expertise” at his workplace. I can’t help how I feel! What can I do?

— Feeling Sick to My Stomach, Winnipeg

Dear Feeling Sick: Your husband’s not acting like a guilty man. In fact, he’s acting like someone unjustly accused. Turn this around: If some guy with a crush on you at your work had written you fantasy notes, you might have put them in your pocket absent-mindedly, and then forgotten about them. That may well have been your husband’s situation. You just assumed he was guilty of returning this woman’s heat.

Your man has been with you for five years since that incident, and this woman has gone on to marry somebody else. It seems she got over her crush on your husband. You really need to let this go, before you burn up the relationship you have with your man. His patience has worn dangerously thin.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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