Trust issues, desire for move home spell the end

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 13/06/2023 (1161 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife is in a flap because she thinks I have a girlfriend, but she has no evidence. Why? Because there is no other woman, although she would deserve that back from me!

She’s feeling guilty because she had a “flirtation” with a guy at her job. She swore they never actually had sex, but that was pretty unbelievable after seeing their hot texts. I made her quit her night job and never speak to him again by threatening to move back home to southern Ontario, and she knew I meant it.

I hate it here! If my job in Winnipeg ended, I’d go back home in a minute, and have a job in the family business. I also really miss my close friends and family. What is here for me now? Nothing. We don’t have any kids either. So now what should I do?

— Feeling So Alone, Winnipeg

Dear Alone: This doesn’t sound like a good marriage that just hit a rut, and is struggling hard to recover. It sounds more like a shallow relationship hitting the skids, with a partner you know you can’t trust!

Now is the time to leave, before there’s a baby on the way. Besides, you already have another love — your old home, friends, family and way of life in Ontario. If you hadn’t married this woman, you’d probably be living back home already. So, don’t waste more time feeling disrespected and homesick. Contact people you love and trust in Ontario to see what working future you might have there, and proceed to make some changes.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I used to be an unhappy “obese” guy. It’s an ugly word, I know. Then one day I decided to change, or die alone and overweight. I joined a gym that night and started eating the right foods and taking muscle-building supplements within a week. At first, I got hooked on seeing the growing results.

Then I actually got myself a cute girlfriend — a workout buddy at the gym — and we took up a body-conscious lifestyle together. However, the “lovemaking” didn’t happen! Our relationship started to get old for me. One day I looked at her and said, “Is this all we care about — how we look?”

She grinned back and said, “What’s wrong with that? God gave us these bodies to make the most of them!” She was serious, as bodybuilding is her whole life. I guess I must have sneered! We exchanged some nasty words, and moved to different ends of the gym.

It wasn’t even a passionate breakup — no raised voices, no tears, nothing. I left, but then I crashed and burned in the parking lot. Then I stopped by my favourite old pig-out place, bought myself six burgers and a mountain of fries, and went home. I haven’t stopped binge-eating since, and I feel and look sick. Now what?

— Heavier and Lonelier by the Week, West End

Dear Heavier: Why are you punishing yourself? You made some understandable mistakes, but you didn’t do anything seriously wrong. You didn’t even hurt your gym junkie girlfriend’s feelings. She’s in love with herself in the mirror, not you. She’s headed onward and upwards to bodily perfection!

You on the other hand, want to find real love with someone who’s a whole lot deeper than this woman. Don’t be hard on yourself because you failed on the first try, and stop punishing yourself with food that’s bad for your body, and you know it. Time to look for some new friends!

There’s nothing wrong with group sport activities where you’ll meet new people — both men and women. Consider a racquet sport with lessons, running with a group, learning to swim well in a class with an instructor, or sports like canoeing, windsurfing or tennis. There’s a lot of fun to be had, especially in the summer, and that means people to meet of both sexes.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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