Don’t lose too much sleep over mid-dream murmurs

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 25/06/2023 (1152 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My young wife has always talked in her sleep, and it’s been amusing, to say the least. But in the last few weekends at our cottage, something must have been triggered, because she was moaning and calling out another man’s name. Too bad it wasn’t mine!

I finally asked her who she was dreaming about, and told her the man’s name I thought I heard her say. She blushed deeply, and then said defiantly it was “none of my business” who she was dreaming about. I said, “I think it is my business when you’re sleeping beside me!”

So, she went off and slept in another bedroom, and I didn’t beg her to come back. Now what? If she’s making a big deal of this, maybe this guy is real and a part of her life now, not just an old flame who’s popped up in her dreams.

Please advise! I’m jealous and she’s embarrassed, and our relationship is feeling messed up.

— Upset Husband, East Kildonan

Dear Upset: She may be having erotic dreams about a former lover — it could be somebody she doesn’t even like anymore or just a guy who was good in bed. Perhaps they had their best romantic times at the lake, where you’ve been lately.

Unfortunately, there are worse possibilities. It could be this old lover has been contacting your wife lately, or trying to. Even if she doesn’t want to see him, it could be triggering old erotic memories. You and your wife really need to have a deeper talk now.

Dreams about old lovers have to be accepted in relationships; there’s nothing the dreamer can do about them! What if you had an erotic dream about an old girlfriend who ended up to be a real mistake in your life, and your wife heard you calling out that woman’s name in the middle of the night? How would you want your wife to react?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband came home to announce he had a surprise for me — he’d rented a little cottage at the same lake where he and his buddies used to go every summer, in their late teens and early 20s. They went there to fish, race boats, and drink their faces off. Basically, he’d invited me to a guys’ holiday, and said “a few” girlfriends and wives were going.

I told him I’d only come out for one weekend, and said I was unhappy he hadn’t consulted with me before he booked us for this “holiday.” My husband is still loyal to his high school friends and soccer teammates. That’s never changed, even with our marriage and the fact he’s pushing 28 now.

I think it’s stupid and dangerous, but getting drunk with these guys is the only really stupid thing my husband does — that I know of. I thought we were going to have a big fight, but he looked relieved I was coming for the two nights. Now I don’t know how to feel. I think I kind of wanted a fight! Am I crazy?

— Confused, Windsor Park

Dear Confused: You said your piece and stated your limits — congratulations! You have a good compromise here. Instead of looking for more of a fight, why not say this: “I’m glad you understand I don’t want to spend a whole week at a drinking party. Let’s figure out something you and I can do together for a second week of the summer, that would be fun for both of us.” Then be good-natured for two days at the lake party. He’ll be glad he’s married to you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Here’s another idea for dealing with whining and begging children while at the store, a subject that’s recently come up in your columns.

Each time we went to the store, I would give my children five special buttons. When they saw something they wanted, they would have to hand over a button if they decided to ask for it. I might say yes, but I could say no. The button did not guarantee they’d get what they wanted, so they had to think it over before they decided to ask for something. This trick sure worked for our family!

— L.B., Winnipeg

Dear L.B.: Thanks for this smart little trick that could easily work for other families. Five buttons would make each child feel they were quite free to participate in the shopping trip, instead of watching all the toys and other merchandise that they usually had no chance of getting.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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