Exploring workplace crush demands clarity

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This article was published 26/06/2023 (1147 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My digestive system is unsettled and I can’t eat. I think I’m falling in love for the first time at 36, and I can’t sleep either. Unfortunately, it’s a woman at work, but then I’m a workaholic so that’s the only place I’d ever meet anyone. I know she’s attracted to me, but I’m the business owner and having a good work environment for my employees means everything to me.

I realize now you can’t be married to a career and have a home life, but I really want a full life now. It’d be bad if things don’t work out, because she’s the best employee I’ve ever had. She’s brilliant, funny, charming — and I know she has a big crush on me.

I’ve been waiting for her to make the first move, so it’s not a case of the boss hitting on an employee. She hasn’t made that move yet, so what should I do? I can see it in her eyes that she wants to. I can’t wait much longer!

— Stomach in Big Knots, Downtown

Dear Big Knots: While hitting on an employee is bad form, especially if they aren’t already hitting on you, it must be noted that a lot of romances still do start at work. Since you’ve quit eating now, you’ll need to make the first move before you expire. It’s time you two had a talk about this growing flirtation.

To learn if what you’re feeling for this employee translates beyond the building for both of you, you need at least one non-work get-together, to see if there’s still a spark “in the real world.” You’d hate to jump in and then find out she’s a person who always has a crush on the boss, and it’s nothing more.

But if she sincerely cares for you as well, your next meeting outside the office is to talk about what’s going on between you, and what you’ll do if it does or doesn’t work out. It’s not against the law to fall for someone at work; it’s just complicated, and you have to be careful and very considerate of one another’s situations.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My problem is our new next-door neighbour — an old gal who has an open crush on my husband. She said to me over the fence, cocktail in hand, “Never mind, honey! I can’t do any harm at my age. Just let me have fun teasing your husband a little.” As if she wanted my permission!

She waves at him on our deck and blows him kisses, and he just laughs. On really hot days now, she sits in her over-sized kiddie pool drinking cocktails, reading magazines and playing old rock ’n’ roll. When he comes home, they always chat and flirt over the fence.

I don’t want to appear as a spoilsport, but she’s too much! I stopped laughing weeks ago. My husband still thinks she’s a hoot! He says it’s all in fun, but is it? Does her old age make it OK for her to openly flirt with my husband? He’s in his mid-50s. I wish she’d get her own man! Unfortunately, my guy thinks she’s a scream and would be angry with me if I went over there and shut her down. So what can I do?

— Gritting My Teeth, south Winnipeg

Dear Gritting: She’s not even coming into your yard, yet she’s making you jealous. What’s the harm?

In these sultry, smoky days of late spring, people need some livening up. Your husband is welcoming her nonsense. Why not relax and let him have a few giggles over the fence? No doubt he’s enjoying coming home and laughing more. Why not get into reporting her hijinks, as in, “Want to know what our neighbour’s been up to today?” It’d be much more congenial than throwing him disapproving frowns and jealous reactions.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m in Grade 12 and finally have a steady girlfriend. My poor dad was delegated to have a birth control talk with me, and gave me a big box of “good quality” condoms. It was a short and embarrassing talk, especially after I told him my girlfriend has been on the pill for months.

He said, “Ohhh!” and then, “Well, I guess these would just be good backup,” and put the box down on my bed. Then he backed so quickly out of the bedroom, he hit the door. We haven’t had a regular talk since, and Mom seems uneasy too. What can I do to get things back to normal?

— Hating Awkward Silence, St. James

Dear Hating Silence: Volunteer some information about your girlfriend and her different interests, and add in things you like about her personality to make her multi-dimensional to them. At the moment, in their minds she may just be “the girl you’re having sex with” and they don’t know much more about her.

Guys are often slow to bring their girlfriends home in fear of the parents making too big a deal of it, or there being an awkward situation. But you can relax, as girlfriends are usually quite good at handling conversations with a guy’s parents.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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