Shift early-bird routine to fight for your nighthawk

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This article was published 29/06/2023 (1146 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a lifelong lark, getting up at 4 a.m. with the birds. I’m married to a musician — a nighthawk — who rolls out of bed at noon. His favourite song is Thank the Lord for the Night Time. I’ve never been able to laugh about that, because both of us have had small affairs when he’s been working “night times” for months — even a whole year once!

Still, our love for each other persisted, as we’d get past things and fall back in love again. In our 50s now, I thought we were really solid. But now, there’s bad news: My husband’s very first love — the woman he was crying over when I met him — has dumped her second husband, also a musician.

I asked if she’d been by the bar yet, and he paused, and then said a self-righteous, “No!” Judging by the tone and the hesitation, he’s already guilty of something. He’s always been such a bad liar. What should I do now? I love him deeply and he’s been all mine for decades now.

I want to go pay her a visit and plow her in the face.

— Going Crazy! Winnipeg

Dear Crazy: Unfortunately, while smacking his old ex in the kisser might feel good to you, it’s called “assault” by the authorities, and you could end up in jail.

On the other hand, doing nothing to try to stop a new relationship from blossoming doesn’t make sense either. If you can figure out where this ex lives and works, and what she drives, you can recognize her car in a bar parking lot and not be surprised if she’s already in the bar.

Fight for your husband by taking a renewed interest in his musical career. Come to his gigs looking fabulous, and bring a friend or two for company and to have fun dancing. Watch for your husband’s ex-girlfriend to show up at some point. Then stop by her table to say a cool hello, and let both her and your husband know you’re onto her real intent.

It’s hard to steal a partner from someone if you know the mate is fully aware of you and your intentions.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend, who’s an only child, wants to get married to me and start a family young, and she’s not above lying about oral contraception being used (or not used) by her. That’s why I’ve insisted on condoms as backup. So, last night she says, “Why should I put medication in my body if you’re already taking care of things to protect yourself?”

That line gives me a headache! I don’t even know what to say. By the way, we’re both 19. Please help me out with this.

— Always Fighting, South Osborne

Dear Fighting: Good for you for knowing what you want and don’t want at 19! You’ve chosen to take responsibility for that, as much as you can. Still, using a condom is not as good protection as many other methods, or better still, a combination of methods. Don’t bow to your girlfriend trying to guilt you about pharmaceuticals or using backup methods.

In reality, it’s best if both people in a couple are committed to having a child before bringing one into the world. The fact you think you can’t trust your girlfriend to respect your approach to contraception is concerning. Are there other areas where she’s also not trustworthy?

There are fundamental differences in what you two want out of life — and also the timing. If you can’t work that out, you shouldn’t be together. If she wants to have her first baby at 19, and you want it at 30, that’s going to be a huge relationship problem.

Getting pregnant is not the way for your girlfriend to sew up this relationship. On the contrary, it’s a way to unravel it quickly.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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