Hurry hard and get in the game with hubby

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This article was published 22/02/2024 (910 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new husband is not acting like a husband. This is my third marriage, and you would think I’d know better than to choose the wrong man again.

He was very attentive in the year leading up to our vows — he was madly in love with me, or so it seemed. We were both newly retired with lots of time for each other and travelling for winter holidays.

But then a friend asked my husband to join his curling team. He fell in love with the sport and he’s now involved in a league, which is messing with our plans to travel to Arizona.

I’ve had zero interest in watching him curl. After the first month or so, he started mentioning this woman on his team, like she was God’s gift to curling. I knew I had to check her out, and showed up unannounced at the rink. There she was — at least 20 years younger than us — sexy, full of smart comments and making big points with the guys in every way.

She acted happy to meet me and shook my hand before they were going on the ice, but I knew better. I’ve been in her shoes before. Could this be payback from the universe?

It would be pointless to tell my husband he can’t curl anymore — he’s not a man you can boss around or keep at home. I’m wondering if I should start curling to keep an eye on him, but that seems extreme. I really don’t want to lose him. Please advise ASAP.

— Losing My Man? Charleswood

Dear Losing My Man: Fight for your partner, but don’t make it a war between you and the younger curling babe. Instead, use your brains and maturity to hustle your own husband back into your life.

You know curling fires your husband up, so you do need to become part of that fun. Start taking curling lessons and see how you feel. Joining in will make you feel less alone and it could be a lot of fun. You’ll meet lots of people once you’re on a team, playing for real and getting together after games for refreshments and conversation.

Once you’re a decent curler, you could sometimes sub for a missing curler on your husband’s team.

Some couples prefer not to play on the same team — if they’re self-conscious or critical of one another — but other couples love it.

In any case, becoming part of the curling scene at the same rink will definitely help your marriage situation as the woman on your husband’s team will no longer feel she has carte blanche.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a shy guy with no girlfriend yet, but sex is important to me. I think about it all through the day at work, and always at night. Unfortunately, I tend to stare at the pretty girls at work. I just thought it was normal and not a big deal.

Last week I got called into the supervisor’s office and was warned that two women refused to sit anywhere near me in the call centre, and that I have to “clean up my act.” The guy said if there was another complaint I would be let go.

I can’t afford to lose this job. Should I try to apologize to the girls? It would kill me to do that, but I desperately need my job.

We have a choice of where we sit because it’s set up kind of like a classroom. Where should I sit from now on? Please help. I’m really not a creep.

— Just a Young Guy, Westwood

Dear Young Guy: Trying to apologize to the young women will only make this situation more awkward. So, try this instead: ask your supervisor to put you at a desk at the front of your classroom-style setup facing the front. That way you won’t have constant sight-lines to anyone.

As for the staring, you need a time guideline for how you look at people so they don’t feel like they’re being studied in detail. That means sweeping glances, and if you do look more closely, a couple seconds will certainly do.

If someone feels your eyes on them and looks back at you — nod or smile, and then casually look at something else.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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