You can both achieve healthy work-life balance

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This article was published 23/02/2024 (954 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband is suddenly unable to work due to a workplace accident, and will be off for another six to eight months. We could do with more money coming in, although we have do enough to get by. I suddenly see this as a golden opportunity for me.

I really want to go back to work. I’d love to have an office job again with workmates and a paycheque — and a reason to buy some nice clothes. Problem is, how can you re-educate an old-fashioned man who was brought up thinking a “real man” works and brings home the money, and the woman stays home and creates a happy place for the family to live.

I did that when the kids were growing up, but now they’re gone. I’d love nothing more than to jump on the bus and go to an office. I tried to explain this to my husband and he said, “You’re just making that up to try to make me feel better.” Not at all! I have training as an executive secretary, and I was a good one, too.

Last night I lost my cool, and put it to my husband that I didn’t need his permission, and I was going to start looking for a good job. He surprised me by getting tears in his eyes.

Finally he said, “The worst thing is I’m going to be stuck here all alone while you go off to work. I won’t know what to do with myself. The only thing I was really good at in my life was my job.” I put my arms around him, kissed him and the conversation was over.

He’s a sweet guy and I can’t abandon him right now, but my need is still there, and it’s growing. I spend a lot of time day dreaming about going back. Help!

— Dying to Work Again, St. James

Dear Dying to Work: Talk to your husband gently about going back to work — when he goes back. It’s six to eight months away in the future, but you could start scouting for good jobs now. Plus, if there’s any catch-up training you need to do for today’s office environment, you could start taking online courses in preparation for your serious job hunt. You can also start making contact with former work mates, particularly those who still work in the type of business you enjoyed.

Whatever you do, don’t hide it from your husband. He may be slowly realizing with his health scare that it’d be safer if both of you were working. By being stuck at home himself, he’ll also see how little there is for you to do, with the kids gone. Hopefully, the boredom he experiences will help him realize your plight.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was shocked into realizing my 16-year-old daughter is not interested in boys. Her new girlfriend stayed over last weekend.

They were watching a very noisy movie downstairs, so I knew they were up and awake. Before I went to bed, I brought some drinks and snacks downstairs for them and I accidentally caught them lying on the sofa in each other’s arms, passionately making out.

I tried to back up, and get out of there, but I tripped over a footstool. The drinks and food went flying everywhere! It was horribly awkward and deeply embarrassing. All my daughter said was, “Great! So now you know. Please leave.”

So, what do I know — that she was just experimenting? That she’s bisexual or lesbian? When did this start? Last year she had a steady boyfriend, for God’s sake. She’s not even talking to me now.

I can’t tell her dad, or he’ll be devastated. She’s still his special little girl who’ll get married one day and he’ll walk her down the aisle. I don’t think that’s happening now. Help me, please!

— Shocked Mom, Transcona

Dear Shocked Mom: Just stumble in! Your daughter will be waiting for you to talk to her, and you need this first conversation as much as she does. It doesn’t really matter how awkwardly you start talking, as long as you’re not in tears. You might just say, “I want to talk with you about what happened, when your girlfriend was over.”

Your daughter may possibly take it from there, and start talking. But if nothing’s forthcoming from her, just ask, “Are you two in a relationship, or was it just an experiment?”

That could get the conversation rolling, or she might be confused herself — and simply not know how to respond. She might just say it’s none of your business. In that case, let her know how much you love her, and just give her some space until she’s ready to talk.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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